Bleach: Awakening of the Elder Ones

A Bleach RP based in an alternate universe. Years of struggle and strife are common on this planet. But this chaos is slowly catching the attention of those that should have remained asleep.
 
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 Fukki Kurayami RP Sample (Approved)

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Fukki Kurayami

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PostSubject: Fukki Kurayami RP Sample (Approved)   Sun Mar 07, 2010 11:40 pm

'Excuse me, Captain Kurayami. Captain, I know you're there just open it already' a voice called while knocking on the door.
'Damn, hide in my office wasn't a good thing' he talked to himself while waking over a lot of creased reports which we're flying all around the place, stretching himself in the chair and lying back again on his desk.
"You really surprised me this time not going to rukongai again"
'not now Shiro...' he replied while hiding his face from the daylight under his arms 'They know that I'm always around there so i thought that hiding here wouldn't be a problem...and i was too tired to do anything too'
"maybe the real problem was to sleep in your desk which is so near to the window"
'Just shut up Shiro, i want to...' 'Captain' He slowly rose from his chair, and carefully crossed the room full of papers around reaching the door and unlocking it, his 3º officer was bringing more notes and reports to be reviewed.
'Sir this ones you may review when u like, but what about those which were to be sent urgently to the 10º, 6º and 2º Division about strange happenings in Rukongai'
'Rukongai is becoming a dangerous place for those there, those strange disappearances and outbreaks of strange shadows that eat souls, its becoming interesting even not really knowing whether if they are actually hollows...' he said as leaned on the door.

'They're ready, over my desk' pointing to the mess of paper on the his desk, and going out. 'Sorry i have to go, you can deal with that Lenn, bye'

'We can't send they like this! Captain, Captain...'

As he walked through the corridor he heard fasts steps coming in his direction 'Sorry Sir, but i forgot to say, today you need to see the newcomers. They are waiting outside of the headquarters' -I totally forgot about that- "that's not a new thing rather" 'Thanks Lenn'.

'Sir' a shinigami near the door said 'The new recruits are very anxious waiting some of your words, most of then have choose to come straight from the academy to the division due you're fame round there.' he reached the courtyard through the door and as he looked over the recruits speaked out.

'From now you all belong to the third division, you will not have time to even think about running out of things to do. You all will be designated between search, office, routine work and taskforce. Grades of the academy are irrelevant here, you all will have daily practice, no matter the position you get, about tactics and methods. Its good to have newfaces, work hard, and remember be like the Marigold, even when withering and fading never fall in Despair. Cause the despair belongs to the weak. You're all free to go'

As the recruits spread seeking the officers for information and orders, he stayed looking to that bright sky -I'll never tire of seeing this sky so deep clean and blue- "Yami" -What now Shiro- "Nothing, you're just leaving some people around worried, stopping right there and daydreaming looking up like that" 'Captain did you got a Crick?' 'No, it seems more like a wryneck' 'I'm fine, don't worry about' sitting on the step 'I'm just enjoying the moment' "you know that if you don't run will end up losing that thing" -doesn't matter, i can go there some other day, and i need to see those papers that Lenn brought by early anyway so its not a big thing anyway, and after that i'll pass by the barracks and training grounds to check out these new recruits, its gonna be a long and busy week but...- 'what i really want to discover now is why it seems that instead of fulfilling their duties helping and guiding the new recruits, some officers are still standing here watching me, like I'm some kind of exotic animal' turning to the officers near him 'Sorry Sir' the officers said and spread out running. 'Well, back to work' he said as he slowly stood up looking at all the movement in the courtyard and returned to his office. As he entered Lenn was still organizing the folders and reports in the room.
He was so concentrated that didn't realized the entrance of his captain in the room, who scared him out when he noticed it, spreading everything all around the room again, when he quickly left the his captain desk. 'Sir, I... I...' 'Sigh...You know Lenn it'll be better if you go instruct the recruits with the others' said as two sheets of paper still floated in front of him 'As you wish Captain' said while trying to keep calm as he leaved the room.

'Well' as he sat on the floor under the window and picked a sheet of paper next to him 'Time to review, and organize all this'




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Zafaron Uriuc
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PostSubject: Re: Fukki Kurayami RP Sample (Approved)   Sun Mar 07, 2010 11:55 pm

You have some grammar issues peppered around, but they got better further down the sample. One main thing though. Don't have the number with the circle after it. Use 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th ect. It looks better that way. Or just right them out completely.

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Fukki Kurayami RP Sample (Approved)
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