Bleach: Awakening of the Elder Ones

A Bleach RP based in an alternate universe. Years of struggle and strife are common on this planet. But this chaos is slowly catching the attention of those that should have remained asleep.
 
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 Kuketsu's RP Sample (Approved)

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Kuketsu Satoshi

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Join date : 2010-04-09
Age : 26
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PostSubject: Kuketsu's RP Sample (Approved)   Sat May 01, 2010 4:14 am

It was hollow training day for Kuketsu’s class in the Shinigami Academy. The excitement was fiercely raging within him like a mighty waterfall. It was his first time fighting hollows and he was eager to show everyone how powerful he has become since he first joined the Academy. As he impatiently waited with his class in front of the senkaimon he began imagining what kinds of hollows he could encounter. “I wonder if there will be really strong hollows like menos grandes. I don’t care how strong they are, I will crush all that stand in my way.” The senkaimon opened and Kuketsu, along with his class, crossed over to the enclosed section of the real world to begin their training.

Once in the real world, numerous hollows appeared in every direction, surrounding the eager shinigamis. “I’m going to kill the more hollows than anyone else.” Kuketsu proclaimed to his best friend, Kisaburame. “Don’t get too overconfident, Kuketsu.” he assertively told him. “You are not as strong as you think and thinking otherwise will not only end up hurting yourself, but it will jeopardize your comrades and the mission.” Kuketsu, disregarding Kisaburame’s advice, hurriedly charged at a group of hollows and easily killed them. “I’m not overconfident. I’m just telling you that I will kill more hollows than you.” “Oh really Very well, I accept your challenge, Kuketsu.” he replied. Kisaburame leaped into the air and swiftly slaughtered many hollows.

As time went by, fewer and fewer hollows remained. When the last hollow was killed, the instructor reopened the senkaimon. “Very good, everyone did exceptionally well. Now let’s return to the Seireitei.” “Ah man, I lost count of the number of hollows I killed.” the tired Kuketsu angrily stated. “So did I.” agreed Kisaburame. “I guess we can call it a draw.” Suddenly a very powerful reiatsu filled the sky. It was an adjuchas. Kuketsu felt a sensation he never felt before as he gazed upon his powerful opponent. He was trembling with excitement and anticipation, yet he was also afraid. The adjuchas quickly moved in front of the senkaimon and killed the class instructor with its cero. All at once, the shinigamis attacked the hollow, but their attacks were futile. Kuketsu leaped and fiercely slashed the hollow’s right arm while Kisaburame slashed the left. However, both attacks only grazed the huge monster.

The hollow fired another cero from its mouth aimed at a weakened Kisaburame, who did not have the energy to dodge, but Kuketsu blocked the cero with his body. He fell to the ground, gravely wounded as Kisaburame bent over him. “Kuketsu! Kuketsu! Are you alright? Can you hear me? Don’t die on us!” Kuketsu blacked out, seeing only darkness and hearing the screams of his comrades as they were getting viciously slaughtered. He could move, he couldn’t do anything to help his friends. Suddenly, in the dark abyss, a dim light appeared. Then an unknown voice began speaking to Kuketsu. “Do you wish to save your friends? Do you wish to live?” “Of course I do. My friends are being killed and I can’t do anything to help them.” replied Kuketsu. “Very well. I will give the power to fulfill your wish. Hear this. I am Shoutenshi, your zanpakuto. Stand up and save your friends.” The dim light became brighter, larger, engulfing Kuketsu. He awoke next to Kisaburame, who was still bent over him. Kuketsu stood up and proclaimed to the heavens, “Bind, Shoutenshi.”

A bright light surrounded Kuketsu’s zanpakuto as it transformed. It took a new shape and with it, the power of light manipulation. Kuketsu pointed his zanpakuto at the hollow and trapped in a light prison. The hollow aggressively thrashed about in the cage, but failed to destroy it. Kuketsu then jumped high into the air and swung his zanpakuto, shattering the prison and cutting off one of its arms. The hollow fell to the ground, screaming in agony. It then became paralyzed and was unable to move its body. Kuketsu had created a circle of light that the hollow was lying in which constricted movement. With one final slash, Kuketsu cut off the hollow’s head, killing it. With the hollow gone, Kuketsu and Kisaburame got the remaining survivors and took them back through the senkaimon and returned to the Seireitei.
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Zafaron Uriuc
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PostSubject: Re: Kuketsu's RP Sample (Approved)   Sat May 01, 2010 1:26 pm

Well the writing only has an error here or there which isn't a problem. We don't expect you to be perfect.

My main issue is having Kuketsu kill an adjucas right after releasing his zanpakuto. Not very realistic. Even with the power increase and the new techniques the shikai would give him, an inexperienced user who had just achieved it still wouldn't be able to kill an adjucas alone.

You don't need to change anything, I just wanted to remind you that you were going a little overboard with that. Maybe if it was gillian it would make a little more sense.

Anyways,

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