Bleach: Awakening of the Elder Ones

A Bleach RP based in an alternate universe. Years of struggle and strife are common on this planet. But this chaos is slowly catching the attention of those that should have remained asleep.
 
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 Hezro Kamanera (Approved)

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Hezro

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PostSubject: Hezro Kamanera (Approved)   Sun May 16, 2010 7:47 pm

Name: Hezro kamanera

Age: 150

Visual Age: 20

Gender:male

Rank: Espada

Appearance:

Hezro is a tall man around 6 feet tall and weighs 145 pounds. He has cold grey eyes that complement his black hair. The remnants of his hollow mask is that of bone scar in the shape of an X on his right cheek that is raised in the middle to form a point. He has tanned skin and a skinny frame. He wears the full espada uniform wore in the style of Ulquiorra Cifer, aizens 4th espada.

Personality: Hezro is a very cold creature. He finds many people annoying and usually keeps to himself. He never opens up to anyone but those he considers to be worth knowing.He finds the body extremely fascinating and usually keeps the bodies of his opponents as trophies or uses them for dissections. He has a strong sense of pride to himself and his race. He hates the other races with a passion, even regular hollows. He wants to further the arrancars race as much as possible and thus follows any orders given to him by la primera.

Fighting Style: Hezro tends to fight to kill always looking for a killing blow yet tends to leave the head alone. He defends when he needs to and tries to force the opponent into a trap whenever possible. He is a very aggressive fighter. he prefers bala over cero and usually has an even balance between bala and swordsmanship. He usually fights as long as possible in his sealed state before reverting to his resurreccion.

Background:

Hezro grew up as a normal child making his time on earth rather boring. He joined the united states marines at age 18 and was assigned to combat. His first mission would end in his death however. Hezro was a rifleman and was in combat with man dieing all around him. A hollow was also on the battlefield devouring the dead as they dropped. the hollow separated Hezro from his body and severed his soul chain. He ran for his life half freaked out due to the fact that he was no longer in his body and the huge creature chasing him to devour him. He managed to escape the hollows grasp only to turn into one not to long after his escape. he returned to the battlefield and did as the hollow before him had done, killing his former allies and eating their souls. After the fighting had died down he found it fun to play with the corpses of those deceased and thus started a trend of doing so with all those he killed.

He managed to catch a plane ride back to the states, hiding amongst the dead of those in the war, still looking at their corpse's like a child looking at fireflies. He lingered around graveyards watching the burial process of the recently killed and sometimes managed eat a few souls who hadn't wondered far from their graves. He then found a new obsession for those who were grieving, stalking then and then killing them. He liked the sight of grief at its highest and would kill them right before they accepted loss. Not long after he had started hunting those in grief did his hunger intensify, forcing him to consume his own kind. He found hollows satisfying but the taste was horrible compared to that of souls in grief. His thirst required him to devour the hollows however making him stronger. It took him a few years before he became a menos grande. He found the forest of menos heavenly, a place where he could feed and wonder how he pleased not worrying about when he will get his next meal. The only downfall was when another menos decided to attack him. He was rather good with cero so defending himself wasn't too hard.

As an adjuchas he missed being a menos and the feeling of peace. He sought for more of his kind, yet whenever he found them they became hostile and attacked him. He fought with them and killed them all, rarely would he spare one. Those he did wouldn't last long anyway.He never found a group of hollows that bound together to help one another and this made him cold and avoid others. Yet he didn't ever stop hunting. He had heard that if he didn't he would revert back to a menos and stay like that forever. Despite his like for the forest, he didn't want to be trapped in that form forever. he keep going to yet was never able to obtain the status of a vasto lorde. He eventually found a man without a mask, yet had the spiritual pressure of a hollow. He learned that he was an arrancar, the primera of the Espada he called himself. Hezro was resistant at first to his presence but found his words of greater power truthful. The arrancar helped hezro successfully remove his mask and trained him in the arts of an arrancar. Hezro later joined the man as a member of the espada and has aided him and his plans ever since.


Last edited by Hezro on Mon May 17, 2010 11:25 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Kazuki Kadarame

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PostSubject: Re: Hezro Kamanera (Approved)   Sun May 16, 2010 10:03 pm

Well first off Hello.

in terms of your overall profile I myself Find it largely lacking.

Personality/Fighting Style: It seems you took a book from an existing character, and applied it to your own. The 5th Espada is what your character is mimicking. Not that you need to change it but it would help because we don't want any two characters being the same. On that note your character also proves to be, in a sense, like another Espada. Ginbara, the 6th. in terms of your fighting style, and actions beforehand. It's like you took the best thing from both character, and smashed them together. making a super Espada. I would suggest you change your personality, and Fighting Style above all else.


Background: WOW let me be honest to say that I find this Back story a little dull, and uninteresting. your life is boring. Wow not really explaining much. You died in a car wreak on a way to prom, and wondered around because you were confused about what was going on. That's normal for almost all souls that die. You just don't die, and be like "Oh I'm dead guess i'll wonder around a little." you would have been found, and sent to Soul Society if not sent there at the moment of death.

Okay you turned into a hollow, and killed all Shinigami that came after you still without having gone to the other side. Where were you? if your not retreating back to the world of Hollows then you would be found, and killed. i suggest you change that.

To the main problem.

Your time as a hollow is so busted, and to out there i don't know where to start. So I'll break it down from the top.

Vasto Lorde are you serious. No sir. No Sir. No Vasto lorde for you. End of story.

in terms of becoming an Arrancer you would need to find the Primera, or him find you to become one. You cannot. I MEAN YOU CANNOT become a Arrancer on your own. only the Primera has the knowledge, and power to rip your mask off, and help you develop an Resurrection. you coming into the Espada, and killing one for rank, and already having your Resurrection is to crazy for me. Change it! You can't have a Resurrection of no comparison to the likes of the other Espada who have had it longer, and are stronger then you. Mainly if you only defeated the weakest of the group, and joined. you don't have the skill level with it to have that strong a power. Change it!


Even tho I'm not an Admin i still feel like you should be:



DENIED
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Hezro

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PostSubject: Re: Hezro Kamanera (Approved)   Mon May 17, 2010 1:19 am

fixed. and i'd like to apologize for my lack of "uniqueness". Upon posting this i was rather in a hurry and abit over excited. Now everything is more of my own nature as far as the persona goes.even if it mimics another character on the site i haven't seen I'm not going to change it this time. The persona is that of my own and i don't care if someone else "took it first" a personality isn't a matter of " he has so i have to have something else" . As for the history i have added the requirements i missed earlier, and again apologize for it. also id like it if kaz's post be deleted, id rather not be reminded of what i would say is the worst day of my RP life.
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Madame Rose

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PostSubject: Re: Hezro Kamanera (Approved)   Mon May 17, 2010 10:43 am

I say keep his post. You fucked up, so deal with the consequences of it all. Even now, your profile seems drabby, boring, and unimaginative. This is your second account, you should REALLY know better. For your laziness with this, I will deny you. Ask Zaffeon if you want another chance, you'll get none from me.

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Hezro

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PostSubject: Re: Hezro Kamanera (Approved)   Mon May 17, 2010 6:23 pm

just because you find him boring isn't a legitimate reason for denial. A conflict of character would be a good reason for denial but because I screwed up once and on a rather bad day shouldn't make me a worm that you are treating me as. I would also understand if i hadn't cooperated with kazuki's requests to be changed but i did. You have failed to give me a reason for denial other than personal opinion. I believe you words previously were "burn it and start again", well Sir i have done just that and am seeking approval now. regardless of your response I will indeed have Zafaron to look over it instead. As for the post, i accept your opinion to keep the post and your reasoning for it.
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Zafaron Uriuc
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PostSubject: Re: Hezro Kamanera (Approved)   Mon May 17, 2010 9:54 pm

I don't feel there is to much of an issue. It doesn't WOW me or anything. But there are no real issues after the edits.

The age still needs to either be added to or the visual age needs to be subtracted from. A 20 looking person would be about 150.

Also, you need to add in the profile when your hollow started eating other hollows to become a menos. They don't become one just from eating human souls, they need to eat other hollows as well. Maybe he would eat those that tried to steal his prey or something?

Do those small edits and I will approve.
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Hezro

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PostSubject: Re: Hezro Kamanera (Approved)   Mon May 17, 2010 11:29 pm

edited, i hope the simple " human souls didn't fill me up anymore" reasoning for eating hollows works, if not i will edit again to your liking
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Zafaron Uriuc
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PostSubject: Re: Hezro Kamanera (Approved)   Tue May 18, 2010 12:18 am

Sounds fine to me. Nice and simple way of fixing it up.

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