Bleach: Awakening of the Elder Ones

A Bleach RP based in an alternate universe. Years of struggle and strife are common on this planet. But this chaos is slowly catching the attention of those that should have remained asleep.
 
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 Stauracius RP Sample (Approved)

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Stauracius Diogenes

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PostSubject: Stauracius RP Sample (Approved)   Mon Feb 22, 2010 3:21 pm

"Father Stauracius" voice called his name.A bald man with black clothes came out from the sanctuary.Gazing each of them,he deeply closed his eyes and knelt before them.The crowd simultaneously knelt and stared at him,wondering why he did that. "Father Constantine ascended to God's home,lets offer a moment of silence for him" said with a calm tone,concealing his grief for the one he called father since the time he adopted him.
He slowly rose and did his cross.The crowd copied him and watched him with patient,waiting him to hear his next words.
"More than thousand years ago,a man was born in the Holy Lands" he said and he started swinging back and forth an ornate golden censer that hanged on the end of the four chains he grasped firmly in his right hand.As he swung it,a fragrant smoke dominated the air with an aromatic odor which spread to all the church."Along with his birth,the whole world was reborn;with new hope" he continued saying "But even though he died physically,his spirit stayed for countless centuries here;at Constantinople".
He put the censer on the altar and turned back,heading toward the crowd "All these centuries,his father,God,put us on constant tasks to prove if we are capable of holding his son's spirit" his words took a more dramatic tone "And this is war more-" his words echoed across the church "than a simple test of faith" he voice calmed down.
It wasn't any memorable speech but neither a bad one,but he managed to achieve his purpose;renew the peoples' hope."Νύν και αειν(Now and forever),και εις τους αιώνας των αιώνων(Αnd in the centuries of the centuries),Αμεν(Amen)".Stauracius went back to the sanctuary and another priest took his place.

He deeply bowed down before the God's cross and muttered a few words. No one will defile the God's Court,otherwise divine judgement will wait him he convinced himself with a determine thought and continued muttering more prayers.Ironic as it may sound it unfortunely happened,a sound of an heavy object falling down was heard across the church.Quickly,he rushed out from the sanctuary and hold a view of his inavoidable.Ten people were standing at the Church's doors.At the same time,Stauracius appeared in front of the crowd,as if he was representing them "How defile this sacred and pure place with intense killing instict,you damn atheists?" he asked them indignantly.The Turks ignored him and rose their bows,stretching their bows' strings. "Have you lost your minds?!Rising your bows against innocent people and especially in the God's Court?!I hope there is a special place in Hell,waiting for all of you Turks!" he started swearing.
Suddenly he found his throat pierced with an arrow.A waterfall of blood fall on the ground and Stauracius lost his balance and fel on the ground.A volley of arrows left the Turks' bows and people fel on the ground.The crowd started screaming and panicked as more people fel on the ground.Those who weren't pierced by the arrows,they were cut by the Turks' swords,who killed anyone trying to escape from the Church by passing among them.
A man screamed with fear as he was the only left standing,but was suddenly silenced by an arrow that passed through his forehead.
The massacre was followed by an deathly silence.A pool of blood was formed on the church's floors.As the Turks' task was done,they left the scene,thinking that there were no survivors.But one man lingered,blood oozed from the priest's wound.By leaning his right shoulder against the blood-washed floor and moving it back and forth,he managed to find a support for his back at a nearby chair.He stared off the distance,until his eyes caught the church's doors.A white dove was standing there,peering searchingly everything around it.Stauracius reached out his hand like he was about to catch it and not let it escape.However,with a swing of its wings,the bird instantly flew away.He lost his balance and lied on the floor.A tear flowing from his right eye,reached the church's floor and mixed with the blood lake.


Last edited by Stauracius Diogenes on Mon Feb 22, 2010 4:11 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Zafaron Uriuc
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PostSubject: Re: Stauracius RP Sample (Approved)   Mon Feb 22, 2010 3:38 pm

Too short Dio, needs another two hundred words at least. Yours is 312 words, minimum is 500.

Also, while this was pretty good with giving an example of Diogenes' personality but you also have several grammatical errors. Be careful about that in the future.
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Stauracius Diogenes

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PostSubject: Re: Stauracius RP Sample (Approved)   Mon Feb 22, 2010 4:13 pm

Yeah because I am a bit sleepy at the moment...and because I am not already proficient enough with English.But anyway I will try to eradicate the grammar errors or at least reduce them.

By the way,I edited it.
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PostSubject: Re: Stauracius RP Sample (Approved)   Mon Feb 22, 2010 5:24 pm

I like the massacre. Written well. Some powerful stuff with everyone getting killed in a church.

Soo...

APPROVED

Yay, all the staff is completely approved now.
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