Bleach: Awakening of the Elder Ones
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

Bleach: Awakening of the Elder Ones

A Bleach RP based in an alternate universe. Years of struggle and strife are common on this planet. But this chaos is slowly catching the attention of those that should have remained asleep.
 
HomePortalLatest imagesSearchRegisterLog in
Log in
Username:
Password:
Log in automatically: 
:: I forgot my password
Latest topics
» Spam Topic
Zafaron's Book! Icon_minitimeWed Jan 02, 2013 5:26 am by Stauracius Diogenes

» The Winged Fraccion
Zafaron's Book! Icon_minitimeSun Sep 23, 2012 9:12 pm by Sorva Wanon

» Nearly there
Zafaron's Book! Icon_minitimeSat Sep 22, 2012 7:47 pm by Zafaron Uriuc

» New Posts
Zafaron's Book! Icon_minitimeSat Sep 22, 2012 5:09 pm by Zafaron Uriuc

» Testing Testing 1,2,3
Zafaron's Book! Icon_minitimeSat Sep 22, 2012 3:10 pm by Zafaron Uriuc

» Ryouta's RP Sample (Approved)
Zafaron's Book! Icon_minitimeTue Aug 09, 2011 5:38 am by ryuzaraki

» Advertising Rules
Zafaron's Book! Icon_minitimeThu Aug 04, 2011 10:42 pm by Zafaron Uriuc

» Digital hazard
Zafaron's Book! Icon_minitimeSun May 22, 2011 8:12 pm by Guest

» 5000 posts and the future [PLZ READ]
Zafaron's Book! Icon_minitimeMon May 16, 2011 10:57 pm by Zafaron Uriuc

Top posters
Zafaron Uriuc
Zafaron's Book! Vote_lcapZafaron's Book! Voting_barZafaron's Book! Vote_rcap 
Madame Rose
Zafaron's Book! Vote_lcapZafaron's Book! Voting_barZafaron's Book! Vote_rcap 
Fuuga Natsu
Zafaron's Book! Vote_lcapZafaron's Book! Voting_barZafaron's Book! Vote_rcap 
Fukki Kurayami
Zafaron's Book! Vote_lcapZafaron's Book! Voting_barZafaron's Book! Vote_rcap 
Spinzaku
Zafaron's Book! Vote_lcapZafaron's Book! Voting_barZafaron's Book! Vote_rcap 
Butter Wrestling Warrior
Zafaron's Book! Vote_lcapZafaron's Book! Voting_barZafaron's Book! Vote_rcap 
Stauracius Diogenes
Zafaron's Book! Vote_lcapZafaron's Book! Voting_barZafaron's Book! Vote_rcap 
Tuwa Cheveyo
Zafaron's Book! Vote_lcapZafaron's Book! Voting_barZafaron's Book! Vote_rcap 
Kazuki Kadarame
Zafaron's Book! Vote_lcapZafaron's Book! Voting_barZafaron's Book! Vote_rcap 
Sakura Romanov
Zafaron's Book! Vote_lcapZafaron's Book! Voting_barZafaron's Book! Vote_rcap 
Affiliates


 
Zafaron's Book! Ftrpg11

   
 
STAFF
WEBMASTER

Zafaron's Book! The-go13
Zafaron Uriuc

CO-ADMIN


Stauracius Diogenes

MOD SQUAD


Levi Colton


Kurokotsu Dokueki


Natsu Fuuga

https://i.servimg.com/u/f36/14/86/58/52/th/alecto12.jpg
Ranryou Roga
VOTE!

Free Top Site

 

 Zafaron's Book!

Go down 
3 posters
AuthorMessage
Zafaron Uriuc
Admin
Zafaron Uriuc


Posts : 772
Points : 161
Join date : 2010-02-12
Age : 32
Location : California Dude!

Zafaron's Book! Empty
PostSubject: Zafaron's Book!   Zafaron's Book! Icon_minitimeSat May 08, 2010 2:09 am

So for the past few months I have slowly been writing a fantasy book while also juggling video games, schoolwork, and of course the forum. I did this back on one of the old sites and decided to do it here as well. Below is a copy of my first chapter that I wrote. So far my favorite since chapters 2 and 3 are full of boring descriptions and exposition while this one starts out right into the action. I would love some critiques. Anything good, bad, confusion, or otherwise please share it. I put a lot of work into this thing and I want to make it as great as I can.

But anyways, read on. And get ready, it is 12 and half pages in word so expect something long.

And just one thing, I really like a little bit of thought put into any comments or critiques you have. Just saying "wow, that was a great chapter" doesn't do much besides stroke my ego but it won't help me improve. Of course I don't want flaming either but I doubt anyone would do that. So please, any help or advice would be accepted.


Spoiler:
Back to top Go down
https://bleach-awakening.forummotion.com
Stauracius Diogenes

Stauracius Diogenes


Posts : 227
Points : 74
Join date : 2010-02-15

Zafaron's Book! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zafaron's Book!   Zafaron's Book! Icon_minitimeSat May 08, 2010 3:01 am

Anyone who is thinking when seeing the length of the text that he won't read it, he is absolutely wrong.

The text at least deserves thumbs up. I love the introduction to the place where the first chapter would take place.

*Warning Spoilers!*
Spoiler:

I hope we will get to see more powerful fights soon. I am waiting for a clash between two armies or at least two major persons.

Looking forward seeing Chapter 2 ^^.
Back to top Go down
Fuuga Natsu

Fuuga Natsu


Posts : 369
Points : 77
Join date : 2010-04-06
Age : 36
Location : Denmark

Zafaron's Book! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zafaron's Book!   Zafaron's Book! Icon_minitimeSun May 09, 2010 1:24 am

I just wish there was more of an intro, then again, many books start without it and instead you pick it up as you go. However, knowing nothing about the next chapters, I'll just go with the lack of an intro to the universe being a minor flaw that is easily fixed.

That's just my 2 cents though. Besides that, it's pretty well written. A little note, that final name, Drakmos - I personally find that "Drak" and similar in names for Dark Kings/Lords and such is somewhat overused. However, it also depends on how the character is really like, so for that I'll have to read on before I can really say more about it.

Interesting reading Zaf, and I can see you've put a lot of thought into it. Keep it up mate, and good luck with the rest of the book Smile
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content





Zafaron's Book! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zafaron's Book!   Zafaron's Book! Icon_minitime

Back to top Go down
 
Zafaron's Book!
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Bleach: Awakening of the Elder Ones :: Out of Continuity Area :: General Discussion-
Jump to: