Bleach: Awakening of the Elder Ones
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Bleach: Awakening of the Elder Ones

A Bleach RP based in an alternate universe. Years of struggle and strife are common on this planet. But this chaos is slowly catching the attention of those that should have remained asleep.
 
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Zaquri




Posts : 5
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Join date : 2010-07-26

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PostSubject: Zaquri.   Zaquri. Icon_minitimeMon Jul 26, 2010 8:07 pm

Name: Zaquri.

Age: 22

Years
Since Gaining Superhuman Powers:
2

Gender: Male

Current
Location:
Karakura Town.

Occupation: Unlicensed surgeon.

Rank: N/A, Not apart of a group.

Appearance:
He wears a black shihakusho much like the shinigami wear. He wears this
only to fool the Shinigami he does come across. This is his default
clothing, In his Lab however he merely wears a white lab coat with
nothing else except the glasses he always wear on his face. For his feet
he wears Sandals. Both his left and right arm is artificial and when he
presses on his elbow compartments open up. His Body is slim which makes
his muscles visible because he is incredibly thin.
Zaquri. 190px-Aizensosuke

Personality:
Despite his Villainous attitude and his manner of speaking rudely to
almost everyone he engages in conversation with, Zaquri is actually a well read and kind hearten guy who has a problem with expressing himself. He rarely seems surprised or caught off guard and he almost never lets his guard down or allows himself to be seen vulnerable. When ever confronted, Zaquri is disrespectful and uncaring but that's just because he speaks his mind and calls it as he see's it, often telling the truth but having it seen as lies and fabrication. During times when lives are at stake; He acts even more serious, But only when these livesare the lives of people he trusts since he believes there aren't many more people in the world he can trust and rely on. He acts serious in his own way though; He doesn't act too emotional and he doesn't say much when he is serious, he does what needs to be done without applying too much effort or without resorting to any of his 'Comrades' due to the fact that he is a very proud person and enjoys proving that his intellect can overcome every and any obstacle thrown his way. Though
he rarely trusts or relies on people, he acts rude purposely up
until the very moment his 'allies' become disposable. He tries to
distance himself from Shinigami as much as possible for this very
reason and wastes little to no time telling his comrades just
exactly how they will be treated by him if they cross him or become useless to him. He seems saddened however during these occasions as opposed to serious. Though do not mistake it, he is actually really serious when he looks sad, the only time he has every really felt sad was when his Wife died. He hasn't always been this closed off from people.

Zaquri is really good with twisting and turning words around on the people who speak in a debate with him. Zaquri has no regard for human life and acts as such when he treats countless Wholes, Humans and shinigami as his test subjects for all of his inventions.
Usually he is carefree and doesn't try to start trouble, he is always
very intensely focused on mechanisms and items that he finds interest in. His only motive for living is his passion for science. He has a high tolerance and a very big sense of humor, he puts up
with anything and takes almost everything as a joke. His friends and foes alike seem to get angry at the fact that he is constantly
displaying his carefree attitude in the most dire of situations to them.Being so carefree enables Zaquri the ability to not really be taken by surprise easily or to care much about the actions of others both directed and not directed to him. It is hard to attract Kens attention if you are not after his life and it is difficult to get much interest from this guy unless it is with a pack of cigs or opening up a conversation with the Topic being about his late wife or His days as a Child whe life wasn't so complicated to him. Though often on rare occasions Ken plays little jokes on people
(Humans and comrades) to lighten his own mood.

While it is rare to get much of a response or much
of a reaction from Ken, The most effective way to get a response
out of him is to get him angry, it is easy to get him angry and when he is he doesn't think logically and he doesn't do anything
unpredictable, he acts with linear movements and dangerous
manuevers. Though he is not much of a fighting man and this being
because all of his inventions and even his Human powers are more Support based resorts, making him angry would most likely get him into a melee confrontation.


Fighting Style:
Zaquri uses his Various inventions to do damage and tries his best to make sure he brings his test subjects in alive.

Background:
Zaquri was born in Glöfgen Germany, a small but
organized town without a hospital to deliver children, so parents were supposed to give birth to children on their own. Alot of children died because of this, Luckily Zaq wasn't one of those unfortunate kids. He was born healthy. His mother, a french architect by the name madaline au'deuare, named Zaq; David Summers. His father, a African American Detective and former member of the President of the United states secret service, agreed with the name and raised the child with much love and
care in his own way. He prevented him from going outside the house he was born in to try and keep him hidden from the treachery that was the cruel and unusual world. To keep him educated, he forced him to read encyclopedias and Atlases for 15 years of his life. When he was 9 however, his mother was diagnosed with Acute stress disorder, something that had hidden itself with her for 9 years since Zaqs birth and killed herself
when Zaq turned 16. Zaq's father didn't really act different
after her death and even after dissolving her body in their bathtub
filled with Acid, he wished it happened a different way but there was nothing he could do now and he accepted it. Zaq, not being used to seeing dead people, didn't know exactly how to act to her death. So he merely shed a few tears and prayed for her soul every night. Later that same year, his father enrolled him in the military, after taking him there, he never saw his father again.
For the next 4 years of his life he underwent vigorous training, endured mental abuse and learned incredible stuff as well as enhancing his body. As he turned 21, thanks to his incredible display of leadership and bravado; he was assigned a role on the Sand sweeper troop whose purpose was to hunt and kill Japanese soldiers and gather intel on their enemy government by acting
as Double agents after fulfilling the assassination contracts given
to them to carry out. Zaquri, by then, was used to killing people, and had destroyed his conscious along with what he wanted to believe was his emotion. While he as apart of the NSAS' Japanese police task force (an enemy fraccion) for 6 years, seeming incredibly Loyal and even obtaining Gold medals for his bravery and excellence in desperate times. When the time came to pull the plug on his entire operation and to assassinate the man who trusted him most, Zaquri realized he was too attached and his cover was compromised when he purposely failed to carryout his task. He no longer was a friend of any side and was now an enemy to both his homeland and the Country he lived in. Desperate to erase the Existence of David summers, Zaquri faked his own death in a Opera
show where he was surrounded by many of his enemies so that they could be convinced and he would no longer be pursued. How he reached such a predicament is another long story in itself but lets not get into that.

He had a normal life for 3 months, a Woman he had his eye on for many years since his life in the army started, married him. His wife got pregnant when he turned 22 and had a miscarriage. Zaquri's personality as well as passion for Science changed dramatically that day and from then on he started working non stop on various inventions that would bring her back to life. His reason for believing this was true was that for many weeks since he moved into the house him and his wife Occupied, he felt a presence of a ghost and at the Hospital where he worked after faking his death, a man there seemed awfully suspicious and rather careful every day he saw him. This alone was enough to convince Zaquri there was a
chance and so he needed material to create such a machine so the man he thought was incredibly suspicious at the hospital in which he worked in agreed to help him after Zaquri asked him because he believed Zaquri was a truly gifted mind, and Zaquri had abilities he had no idea about that would change Zaq's life forever. He took him to the basement of the Hospital which was filled with various objects and weapons and materials that Zaquri thought would be useful. From these items he built himself glasses that would see the dead in case he was ever in the same room with his beloved ever again and he altered his Body so that he would be
safe from death when it came to age. He has yet to discover if that experiment on himself worked or not but after building a machine he though could bring the whole back to a human after they have been separated has yet to be finished.
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Butter Wrestling Warrior

Butter Wrestling Warrior


Posts : 249
Points : 91
Join date : 2010-02-15
Age : 32
Location : In the butter wrestling ring, of course!

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PostSubject: Re: Zaquri.   Zaquri. Icon_minitimeMon Jul 26, 2010 9:27 pm

OK... here goes.

Let's start with appearance and personality. There's no way that he could just put on clothing that looks shinigami-like and have that be a disguise. A person with even a small amount of spiritual sense would be able to see through that. Personality-wise, there are many contradictions. You describe him as a carefree man in one section, then make him serious the next. He is described as kindhearted, and the next paragraph is described as having no regard for human life and chops up shinigami and humans alike for his experiments, a la Mayuri (and I won't even get into the fact that he can kidnap shinigami yet is not caught by Gotei 13). It seems like you can't make up your mind of who this guy is and what his attributes are; just stick with either a kind but sad surgeon trying to bring back his dead wife or a mad scientist cutting up people to bring back his dead wife, but not both.

Next, there is little description of his fighting style. Does he create body parts that increase his battle ability? Is he a surgeon, or a scientist with all of these inventions? Does he like to analyze his opponents while in battle? These are things that would be useful to know.

And then we get to the backstory, which in my mind is a mess. It is my thinking that creativity is useful, but not just randomness with no meaning or sense. I can MAYBE accept that his father is an African-American former-Secret Service agent and his mother is a French architect, but then we get to the acid bath part.

.....................

For me, the wording is confusing as to whether she killed herself IN the acid or her body was put in there to be disintegrated, but it's just one Big-Lipped Alligator Moment for me. The only explanation I have heard you give me can essentially be summarized as 'just 'cause," which does not quite appease me. Even in the world of Bleach, this plot point just comes out of the blue and feels like a NARM moment; I don't know whether to cry or laugh that a person found enough acid bathe in it and kill herself.

I am not sure what to think about the whole "Germany has a secret force for Japanese-soldier killing" arc of this backstory. This RP is supposed to take place in the 21st century, and this part also seems completely random and does not add to this character's personality or development. Together with the part that he fakes his own death in a opera surrounded by his enemies, this feels like the story for a summer blockbuster/thriller, with about as many plot holes.

I do feel that this has the potential for an rp-worthy character. But the contradictions to his personality and the many random parts of his story detract from the profile, in my opinion. I will not deny this application, but I will not approve it either until changes are made.
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Zaquri




Posts : 5
Points : 0
Join date : 2010-07-26

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PostSubject: Re: Zaquri.   Zaquri. Icon_minitimeMon Jul 26, 2010 9:45 pm

Let's start with appearance and personality. There's no way that he
could just put on clothing that looks shinigami-like and have that be a
disguise. A person with even a small amount of spiritual sense would be
able to see through that.

That is a variable, IT can be pulled off and then again it might not be pulled off.

If we are RPING and not METAGAMING then one would have to actually have their curiosity aroused before actually saying "Oh I sense your spirit energy! YOU'RE NOT A SHINIGAMI!" Cause obviously for instance, no one would be going around randomly checking for spirit pressure, especially in the comfort of their own land, say if I convinced another Shinigami IC to take me to Seireitei, once I'm there I can blend in easy.

To better explain this you can just watch the episode in which Orihime and Uryu got away with it for hours (Presumably because they got the disguises at daytime and were discovered by Mayuri at night).

Simply put, Teh fact that I wear a shihakusho, a Traditional kendo-style Apparel should have absolutely nothing to do with approval or denial. My character wears this to fool shinigami THAT MEANS HIS MOTIVE IS TO MERELY FOOL SOMEONE! Whether or not he's successful is up to whoever comes across him.

KEY WORDS: IT IS JUST A SHIHAKUSO- FOOLING SHINIGAMI WITH IT IS A MOTIVE, IT IS NOT SOME KIND OF POWER.




I described how he is in Various situations Please reread my personality and actually READ it. I assume you skimmed or else you would understand that small fact, If you are a kind person and you are punched by a stranger you may sit back and cry about it or you may feel the need to respond.

KEY WORDS: EVERYONE ACTS DIFFERENTLY THEN HOW THEY USUALLY ACT IN VARIOUS SITUATIONS AND I MERELY EMPHASIZED HOW MY CHARACTER ACTS IN DIFFERENT SITUATIONS.




Fighting style needs no elaboration; If he has an invention on him he will use it to its best capacity. . . I cannot explain it Any more clearer than that.

KEY WORDS: Fighting style needs no elaboration; If he has an invention on him he
will use it to its best capacity. . . I cannot explain it Any more
clearer than that.




For my history, and this will be a long explanation, My mothers death is my mothers death. It makes no, absolutely no, diference as to cause. This is my history, if she felt like getting dipped in bath acid then that's just it. Random doesn't matter; Shit happens. Anything in this world is possible and anything in this world can happen.

For the Germany Secret service, IT makes more than enough sense. It explains what happened to my character after his father abandoned him, it explains how he met his best friend, a Quincy, and his lover who was killed which also gave him the motive to become a man of science.

KEYWORDS: . . .
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Butter Wrestling Warrior

Butter Wrestling Warrior


Posts : 249
Points : 91
Join date : 2010-02-15
Age : 32
Location : In the butter wrestling ring, of course!

Zaquri. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zaquri.   Zaquri. Icon_minitimeMon Jul 26, 2010 10:13 pm

Quote :
"I described how he is in Various situations Please reread my personality and actually READ it. I assume you skimmed or else you would understand that small fact."

...You had best be careful. In the future, please refrain from accusing staff of not doing their job properly. That is, if you want to be approved.

That's strike #2. I'm implementing the 3-Strike Law as of now.
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Zaquri




Posts : 5
Points : 0
Join date : 2010-07-26

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PostSubject: Re: Zaquri.   Zaquri. Icon_minitimeTue Jul 27, 2010 9:03 am

Zaquri. 46139

Dear God I have lost all hope. Do what you can piss on, rape, molest, or even delete this app if you want. . . The astounding n00b-ness that is your ability to review a character app has overwhelmed me successfully.
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Butter Wrestling Warrior

Butter Wrestling Warrior


Posts : 249
Points : 91
Join date : 2010-02-15
Age : 32
Location : In the butter wrestling ring, of course!

Zaquri. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Zaquri.   Zaquri. Icon_minitimeTue Jul 27, 2010 9:59 am

And there's Strike 3.

PERMA-DENIED

I believe you know where the exit is.
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Fuuga Natsu

Fuuga Natsu


Posts : 369
Points : 77
Join date : 2010-04-06
Age : 35
Location : Denmark

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PostSubject: Re: Zaquri.   Zaquri. Icon_minitimeTue Jul 27, 2010 10:12 am

Zaquri wrote:
Zaquri. 46139

Dear God I have lost all hope. Do what you can piss on, rape, molest, or even delete this app if you want. . . The astounding n00b-ness that is your ability to review a character app has overwhelmed me successfully.

I've had just about enough of you.

You've insulted a moderator more than once, you've refused to change anything about your character because "it's my character, I can do what I want with it", and because "it was perfectly fine and accepted on 4 other sites".

That does by no means make it good, or even good enough on any RP site in the world. That just makes it acceptable on those sites for some reason.

It also seems you've chosen not to read any of the other accepted apps of the site, or you would know we actually care about logic here. We don't just randomly make secret organizations that kill off japanese soldiers.

Your character age doesn't add up either. You say that at the age 16 he joins military academy, and stays there for 4 years, as I understand it. How can he then also suddenly be a member of some Japanese task force for six years?

I can understand you want to do whatever you want with your profile, but this is getting out of hand. You also asked earlier why you were at first told to keep the profile decently short, yet were asked to go into details about the acid bath and other things. Well, of course because they've had an impact of your character, and things like that don't "just happen". Even if it's not specifically about your character, if you're telling me it did nothing to shape his persona then why even have it in there in the first place?
There's also a difference between using a lot of words, and saying much. But concidering the attitude you've displayed so far, I doubt you'll even concider anything I've said.

For refusing to change anything (seemingly because you can't do anything wrong with YOUR profile), along with accusing staff of not doing their job properly AND directly insulting a moderator, I feel like I must DENY you. And from how you've acted so far, I'll have to tell you that I'm fairly certain you wouldn't like it here. I'd throw in a lot of cuss words and insults here, but I won't disgrace myself for something like this.

Have a pleasant day.
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Spinzaku

Spinzaku


Posts : 258
Points : 99
Join date : 2010-02-17
Age : 42
Location : Somewhere Eating my Chiken Nuggets

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PostSubject: Re: Zaquri.   Zaquri. Icon_minitimeTue Jul 27, 2010 10:38 am

Thank you Zaquri for trying your best *giggle* but I would have to ask you to depart from these lands. Please inform those without the knowledge to better themselves to steer clear of this place. If you can't even take some good advice, and at least "think" about it then you, my friend, are hopeless.

I will be locking this App as to evold staining anyone with the astounding n00b-ness you have infected us as to prevent the spread of such a dishonorable death

You hit the three strike mark so I believed three comments were needed in return.

[PERMA-DENIED]

~Ranryou Roga
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PostSubject: Re: Zaquri.   Zaquri. Icon_minitime

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