Bleach: Awakening of the Elder Ones
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Bleach: Awakening of the Elder Ones

A Bleach RP based in an alternate universe. Years of struggle and strife are common on this planet. But this chaos is slowly catching the attention of those that should have remained asleep.
 
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PostSubject: Tenshin Kaminaka   Tenshin Kaminaka Icon_minitimeTue Aug 24, 2010 2:06 pm

Name: Tenshin Kaminaka

Age: 456

Visual Age: 31

Years since Entrance into the Gotei 13: 349

Gender: Male

Division: 5

Rank: Captain

Appearance:
Spoiler:
Tenshin has light Brown hair, that flows a reasonable distance down the back of his head, reaching his neck, if left untamed. He has full facial hair, which he keeps trimmed short, and has his somewhat long hair tied back into a slick ponytail, which is not visible from the front. He has 2 wisp like bangs coming down about an inch on either side of his forehead. His skin is olive-colored, and slightly tan. He has thick eyebrows, and piercing blue eyes which are accentuated by his eyebrows, That many have often remark seem to gaze directly into one's soul. His face is almost always passive; his smiles and expressions of emotion are typically never prominently dispalyed on his features. Many think him to be ruggedly handsome, but with a very austere and aloof demeanor that almost negates his attractiveness to would be suitors. His Chin He has a presence of seemingly utter tranquility; calm, focused, and content. His face has no birthmarks and is fairly smooth, and he has a flat nose and thin lips. He has an odd yellow birthmark on his left hand, which is shaped like a star glinting in the night sky. He appears to be in relatively good shape, with broad shoulders, along with a well-shaped body. His arms are noticeably muscular, not as muscle-bound as some, but to the point where he is noticeably in good shape. Were he to remove his clothing, it would reveal a body almost completely unscarred and unblemished- surprising for a man who clearly must posses a quite high amount of combat experience. His nae threeils, both on his feet and toes are kept well-manicured. His body posess little hair as well, only having small amounts in chest cavity and on the legs. His posture is excellent, and he always stands fully to his height of 6 feet 3 inches.

Personality: Tenshin to all around him is a very calm, cool individual. He is friendly, but also very distant. With his subordinates though, he often becomes more personal, taking time out of his duties as a captain to assist them with their training or ask them about their problems, but he will be strict when is necessary, especially during drills and when enforcing the law, and his squad members almost unanimously respect him for this quality. He is a brilliant tactician, but he also possesses a strong code of ethics that he has set down for himself, and will never allow unnecessary sacrifices to be made. When approaching a forthcoming battle or war, he tries to think of strategies that would save the maximum number of shinigami's lives, while still absolutely completing the mission to the fullest. He has come to feel that with the rise of hell, the Seireitei serves as the last chance of order and peace this world has, and so believes that in order for them to survive, orders need to be followed without question. He posseses a strong hatred for Arrancar, from his limited encounters with them he feels they are nothing more than abominations, no better than the Iniquitas who have come to threaten this world. He feels that while protecting the human world is important, in a war such as this it takes second place over the survival of the Seireitei, and therefore is reluctant to allot a very large number of forces to fighting on that front, believing that by doing so he will only be endangering more shinigami. However, he tries to keep a mask of tranquility and absolute self-assuredness up at all times, even when making the extremely difficult decisions which wartime forces generals to make, in order to inspire confidence in those below him, thanks in great part to the advice and help of Ten-no-Te.


Fighting Style: When approaching an enemy, Tenshin is very straightforward. He confronts them directly, without stalking or attempting to launch a surprise attack on them. This said, if he is in the presence of an enemy he would have a very improbable chance of beating he will not try to start a fight unnecessarily, and is not utterly opposed to the idea of making tactical retreats. Though he is honorable in combat, he is still absolutely merciless to his enemies, fully content in the belief that he is merely meting out justice for the betterment of soul society. Once engaged, often times he tries to close the distance, using his excellent swordsmanship to try and gain the upper hand. He tends to make wide, powerful swings, however, is capable of switching from offense to defense in the blink of an eye, and is incredibly dexterous with his weapon, capable of making sudden deft movements to parry or riposte as necessary. He is also ambidextrous, and will often switch hands in order to throw his opponents off. His skill with kido has helped him many times, as in the midst of battle he is able to use sudden kido spells to catch his enemies off guard, or make a quick defense against an unanticipated attack. However, though he typically engages his opponents at a close range, he has mastered long ranged abilities to a degree where he can hold his own, and often lure enemies into a false sense of commonplace by using a variety of ranged attacks in an attempt to encourage them to try and close in on him. He is a masterful tactician as well, thanks to his days as master of the thief's and is able to gain an understanding of an enemies abilities far more quickly than the average combatant, which is part of the reason he was given the rank of captain in the first place.


Background: Human Arc- The prince of thieves.

Tenshin was born in Venice during the late 1500's, as a street rat. He never knew or met his parents, and was left out on the sidewalks in the winter of 1598. He would have died as a baby, were it not for the kindness of two other street dwellers, brother and sister teenagers Giovanni, and Amelia. He had no name, so they gave him one, based on something they had heard about a recent Italian expedition to Japan and named him after a warlord from there: 'Tenshin Kaminaka' which they had heard meant 'Inner God' or something like that. Life was incredibly hard as a street rat. Indeed, Asano would have not lived to see his first spring were it not for the benevolence of his two guardians. They were poor, and toughened from the streets, but still kind-hearted. They begged, they stole, they did what they could to get buy as Tenshin began to grow up. He learned the tricks of the trade early. At the age of four, he had already been exposed to enormous amounts of hardship, and was toughened to the degree that most adults can scarcely imagine. He had become an exceptionally talented pickpocket, bringing home more money than his two guardians on a daily basis despite his small size. However, despite the modest upbringing in which he grew up in, he desired to achieve something greater... He had seen the mansions in which the rich of Venice lived, and he realized that he had a deep hunger within himself to strive for more wealth, and power, so he could look the noble-born dead in the eye and show them how even a born street-rat could live at their level. And so, at the age of 12, the unnaturally cunning Tenshin began the thief's guild, its first two members his older adoptive brother and sister. Tenshin was in his own right a genius, in not only intellect but in street smarts. His underground guild grew rapidly, bringing in dozens of young outcasts who had been left by the wayside of Venice society. All youth, some older than himself, and some younger, who looked up to him like a father. The question of his authority arose only once-- a little over a year after the guild had formed. A 16 year old named Otto Braun, one night declared that he was more suitable to lead the thief's guild than was Tenshin, a challenge which Tenshin readily accepted.

The two were given sabres that the guild had procured, and told to fence to the death. The fight lasted not five seconds. No sooner had Otto begun charging, and they had been told to fight, Tenshin dropped his sword, and flicked his wrist. A dagger was stuck straight through the middle of Otto's neck. Tenshin removed his weapon, wiped it off with a cloth, and had two other members of the guild which now contained dozens remove the body. His authority was never questioned again. Life was good in the Thieves guild. As they grew in size, skill, and resources, Tenshin became more and more daring. 4 years after the birth of guild, They attempted a stunt that bordered in many's mind on insanity. The plan was to overthrow the small noble house of Montolio, and turn their mansion into a base of operations for the now prominent guild. They were armed, prepared, and they struck in the dead of night, armed with crossbows, poison daggers, and more. Teenagers overthrew guards. In a single night, the head of Montolio de Brauchee, head of the household, hung on a pike. Poor civilians across Venice, who had secretly been supporting the uprising against the nobility, rejoiced. The nobles, who had previously viewed the guild as a petty rabble of no more than a hundred, realized the true strength of it, and the dastardly cunning that its leader possessed.

However, as the prominence and power of the thief's guild grew, so did the arrogance of its leader. He raided trade caravans, and began to take true control over the streets of Venice. He had his own private army, numbering in over a hundred of top-notch assassins and thieves. The noble houses were in chaos, their trade with other noble houses was falling apart, and their functionality had been almost completely halted by the Thieves guild. Finally, when they could tolerate it no longer, the Nobles of Venice united against the Thieves Guild. Up to this point, Giovanni and Amelia had been warning him to proceed cautiously, and not incur the nobles wrath, but he took no heed of their advice. He believed himself mightier and more cunning than any mere noble household. And so, it was on the night of his 19th birthday, that the Nobles struck back. A united army of over 2000 stormed the Thieves Guild stronghold. Tenshin's soldiers did the best they could to hold them off, killing hundreds with careful traps and skill, but in the end sheer numbers won out. Catapults, and archers assaulted the walls. Dozens died. Dozens more, who held their own self-preservation above all, fled. Tenshin stayed. He had accomplished his dream, he believed, and though he would die young, he would die with his ambition realized. He fought vigorously, like a madman, cutting down dozens. finally, after recieving many wounds from many soldiers, he fell between the over-whelming number, but not before seeing Giovanni and Amelia die, and a twinge of great regret aching through his heart.

Rukongai Arc: After he arrived in the soul society, Tenshin was sorted into district 71. With real memory of his former life, all he could remember were the faces of Giovanni, and Amelia, and all he could feel was regret, and anger. Anger towards himself, towards the world, towards everything. He couldn't remember the names of these two faces, all he knew that they had been his friends, and that he had failed them. He nearly starved several times, once having to beat a street vendor half to death merely to get food, which was then very nearly stolen from him. He had never thought that afterlife would be as horrible a place as the real world, but the grim reality of that fact took him slowly, for what little he cared about coporeal matters. He was dying on the inside from regret, from the loss, of people whose names he could no longer remember. It was there, in this dark place, that a voice came to him. At first it was only whispers, mostly while he slept, it echoed. "All is not lost." It called to him in the night. He awoke each morning feeling changed, but often shrugging it off, or dismissing it as delusions. But as time wore on, he began to hear it more and more clearly. In his dreams, he began to see a place he knew he had never been- but that somehow felt familiar, and welcoming.

With each passing day, the world around him began to seem a little- just a little- less dark and gloomy. He slowly stopped wallowing in self-loathing and self-pity. He began to see a figure when he slept- the most beautiful being he had ever seen, but when he tried to call out to it no voice came. However, as He awoke he began to see that he was not the only one suffering here. He was not the only one who had bitter eyes. The truth of his district began to dawn on him, if only gradually. And despite the suffering he saw, he realized that a chance for redemption was awaiting him right here, in this small district. Though he may have failed those long-lost friends, he could still help these people. And maybe, just maybe, he could atone for whatever he had done in life. He began doing what he could to help the most needy of his district, the abandoned orphans, the very elderly. He stole food, he protected them from thugs. Little by little, thanks to the help of the voice in his dreams, he began to become a hero to those of his district. He came up with grandiose ideas, such as starting orphanages, and making a more successful food system, so that all districts could have enough- ideas he knew were farfetched given his current position. He knew that though he was helping a small group of people, and bettering their lives, there had to be something more he could do. And it was then that it came to him. He looked off at the distant spires of the Seireitei, and realized what he had to do. For all these people.

Shinigami Arc: Tenshin entered the academy with determination, and resolve. He had to find a way to rise through the ranks of the shinigami, in order to help those he had left behind. His academy instructors were both surprised and impressed by his seemingly innate skill at swordsmanship, and he quickly advanced to the top of his class. He had no idea why he was so excellent at swordsmanship to start with, the moves just seem to flow through him without him having to think about it. He had no idea it was from the years of training he had had during his lifetime, but his natural talent gave him more time to focus on his kido, and he quickly became an excellent student in both practices. His leadership skills on missions was also remarkable and the instructors took note of his out of the box thinking and exceptional deductive reasoning capacities. It was because all these factors that He was perhaps the first graduate in the history of the academy to be sky-rocketed to the rank of lieutenant immediately upon graduation.

Tenshin was assigned as vice-captain of the 11th division, thanks to his skill with combat tactics and swordsmanship. However, though the higher-ups in soul society may have deemed him worthy- that didn't mean his squad did. And so, within an hour of his arrival, the third seat of the 11th division - a soldier much his senior- had challenged Tenshin to a Death Match. Nervous, and scared, Tenshin at the time was only over 30- barely out of his diapers by Soul Society standards, tried to ask the third seat to back down, but the man merely laughed. "You coward." He said. "You shouldn't even be in this division, let alone it's lieutenant" The man then spat at his feet. "See you at noon" So, Tenshin walked down to the chosen field, fully expecting to die, and thinking of all the others he would fail back in district 71, all the unfulfilled promises he had made. All eyes were upon him as he entered the chosen arena, where the third seat already waited for him, waiting casually, Zanpakutou already drawn. Tenshin took a deep breath, and placed his slowly on the hilt of his
Zanpakutou. No sooner had he done this, than the voice rang in his head once again. "At long last Tenshin. We finally meet."

And suddenly the scene changed. He stood in a massive, glorious building, full of light, with windows of beautifully stained glass, and magnificent architecture, unlike anything he had seen in this world. He had seen this place before, but only in glimpses, but now, finally, he took in the great cathedral that was what he now knew to be his inner realm. And before him, stood an angel. He fell to his knees, mouth open wide in awe, whispering, barely able to the words. "Are.. are you?" It smiled, and knelt down, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Yes Tenshin. I am the one who pulled you from the darkness. I am your Zanpakutou. I am Ten-no-Te. Since you came to this world, I knew our fates would be tied together. That is why I led you from the darkness, here, where we at last can come together, at last can be the two parts of a whole that we were born to be. And as I helped you back in the Rukongai, So shall I help you now." The angelic figure rose to its feet it's tone growing harder and commanding, and full of resolve. "Now Tenshin, Rise and strike down those who would threaten you!" And with another flash of light, he was back in the center of the training arena, His opponent now charging toward him. However, no hesitation, no fear, no nerves remained. Only the resolve to do what had to be done. With a single motion, he drew Ten-no-Te, the blade glinting the afternoon sun, and though he had never said it before, he somehow knew the words which had to come next "Vanquish the Dark, Ten-no-Te" The steel suddenly turned pale white, and waves of golden mist began rolling off it. He charged forward, and met the third seat headon. The more experienced fighter didn't even have time to release his own Zanpakuto. Ten-no-Te cut through him with a single swift stroke. The man, stood, stunned, staring down as the blood flowed freely from the enormous wound. But as he fell to the ground, he had time to hear Tenshi whisper to him. "I am sorry" Tenshi said, calmly, but with poignant remorse in his voice. Flicking the blade out to his right, some of the blood from the went flying out from the tip, and landed at the feet of the newly promoted 3rd seat of Squad 11. Tenshi didn't say a word as he left the battleground. No one ever Challenged his authority again.

Rise to Captain: Tenshi carried out the duties of his squad loyally and without question. Often times, he returned to district 71, sometimes with some of his squad members, trying to teach them that just because you were in the 11th squad didn't mean that fighting was the only thing you were useful for. He delivered food, helped build housing, and tried to bring one of the Rukongai's poorest districts back out of the darkness. Some squad members contemptuously thought that their lieutenant was soft, however, the memory of what had happened to the former third seat was still fresh on their mind. And in training, though Tenshi was amiable, he was strict, and pushed his soldiers to their limits. And any such concern was immediately dispelled when the war against the Arrancar began. Under his captain, Tenshin, and many of the upper officers of the squad were the front line of defense. When he battled an Arrancar for the first time, he was utterly horrified. Hollows he could understand. But this? This was a monstrosity beyond anything he had ever met, a monster that killed solely for the enjoyment of killing. He had never met anything so evil in his life. And to make matters worse: he discovered, that this was not just a sole example. Nearly every Arrancar he met was the same way. He found himself loathing them, begrudgingly stereotyping all arrancar as the same. During this war, He happened to unlock his bankai quite by accident. During a fight in which he had been lured cleverly by several of the monstrous Arrancar into a trap, he was pushed to the point of death. It was then, right as he was about to fall, that his greatest friend and ally, Ten-no-Te, awakened itself in order to save Tenshi's life. Within moments after his bankai released itself, the arrancar were crushed, like insects, much to Tenshi's amazement. He then realized that this was the power he needed in order to protect the soul society from threats like the arrancar and hollow, that with this power, he could safeguard everything that he cared about. He returned to Soul Society after the war, a war-torn veteran. He had seen and caused more death than he cared to remember. After the war ended, with so many dead, the higher ups of soul society chose Tenshin to take the position of 5th division captains, as they had gradually come to reallize that physical combat was not his sole strength. Since then, Soul Society has seen a period of relative peace, and Tenshi has been there to help rebuild and recover from the losses of that devastating war.
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Hideaki Ryouta

Hideaki Ryouta


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PostSubject: Re: Tenshin Kaminaka   Tenshin Kaminaka Icon_minitimeTue Aug 24, 2010 6:54 pm

Alright, Tenshin. Let's see where we can begin with this.

Denial

I have a great deal of distaste for people who literally copy profiles from another site and then bring it over here. It becomes especially aggravating when the profile therefore contradicts the plot and history set forth by the site you're applying for.

Please make sure you read the history of the site, the template for the site, and understand both of them before you commit to submitting an app. Information is easy to overlook, but doing so greatly reduces your chances of acceptance.

~~~

Your Age is too high for your Visual Age. By a large margin, in fact.

=

Quote :
He has come to feel that with the rise of hell, the Seireitei serves as the last chance of order and peace this world has, and so believes that in order for them to survive, orders need to be followed without question.

Quote :
no better than the Iniquitas who have come to threaten this world.

Your bio contradicts the site. In a quite apparent manner. This leads me to believe that you did not fully reread your bio before applying. Or the site's history. Or both.

=

Your character is, in my mind, very closely approaching Mary Sue territory, if it is not already there. Not only has your character done many impossible things within Seireitei, but he is ruggedly handsome with eyes that "gaze directly into one's soul", a mental genius, a righteous do-gooder, *and* absolutely phenomenal in combat (both close and ranged).

Let me bring up an obvious example :

Being promoted to Lieutenant immediately upon graduating? Very unlikely.
Being promoted to Lieutenant immediately upon graduating WITHOUT shikai? Never going to happen.
Being promoted to Lieutenant *of the eleventh division* (front-line fighters) immediately upon graduating WITHOUT shikai? This is just insanity at this point.

This is just an obvious example; there are other pieces in your profile beyond this example that indicate the same thing. Being "absolutely awesome with a side of fries" is probably the most crippling part of your app at the moment.

Tone it down, Boyo. Just... tone it down.

=

You won't meet your Zanpakutou spirit without actually having a Zanpakutou. It's been tried before.

=

(Things you can fix but I don't think will put you into Denial if you don't)

Your character was quite obviously in eleventh squad in the site you originated in, and there's a lot left in your profile that pushes that. You smoothed it over with the "put as captain of fifth division due to...", but, really, it feels as if it could have been *any* other division, and that you picked it simply because it was the one open on the site. You could have done better.

-

You have a few grammar hiccups, as well. You could have broken up a few of your paragraphs into smaller paragraphs. Some of your sentences' structures are questionable, and I do recall that you had some random capital letters or random tidbits
Quote :
His Chin He
Considering the rest of your profile and the abnormality of these hiccups, I would suggest reading over your profile before submitting it, as these are relatively easy to see and fix.


Clean up this stuff and you'll make a better impression. I highly recommend remaking your profile with this site (and your future captain position) in mind, but it is not strictly necessary. You could edit this profile until it is acceptable if that is what you want.
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Nikumu Itami




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PostSubject: Re: Tenshin Kaminaka   Tenshin Kaminaka Icon_minitimeWed Aug 25, 2010 10:46 am

Very well, remaking, go ahead and delete this.
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PostSubject: Re: Tenshin Kaminaka   Tenshin Kaminaka Icon_minitime

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