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Alright, I'm going to generate this report as I am reading your bio and detail things as they come to my attention. It won't be entirely organized, but it'll hopefully shed some light into my thinking process and allow for a smoother communication between the two of us. The ultimate goal is to help improve your biography, but my word is far from absolute. This is your biography, and it is your job to edit it. My job is to simply aid in this.


Picture : Haven't seen it before. (positive)


Name : Unique. "Byakuren" recalls "Byakuya", but it's still unique and has its own identity apart from this. (positive)


Age and Visual Age : 100 and 18 -- the bare minimum. Personally irksome, but it's fine as per site regulations. You could do a bit more with this to add a personal touch. At the moment, it seems as though you're just trying to squeak by the requirements as opposed to work with them. (slightly negative)


Division

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Topic description : 3rd Division, 3rd seat?

Not a big deal, but please fix your topic description.


Appearance
Please avoid list format. This is particular puzzling to me as you seem to have described your clothing in paragraph format, but not the rest of your features. You can add a lot of style and description if you did this and also create a far more professional look than the listing format you have now.

Reading through the descriptions, themselves, I am even more puzzled as to why you chose list format, as the descriptions are dynamic and interact with the rest of your features. This trait is far better expressed in paragraph format. This coupled with your clothing paragraph implies that you limited yourself to a list as opposed to the paragraph you would rather do (that, or you're just far more used to listing). I hope, then, that you'll actually find it a relief that I ask you to change this. (in need of changing).

I am also fairly certain that Shinigami are typically in Shinigami dress, not casual clothing as you have put down. While I do not see it a problem that you would detail such (it's quite useful information), I would like to let you know that you may very well not get to wear it often if you are in Seireitei for the most of your time. Most likely only within a Gigai or in the rare event that you're off-duty.

Personality
"Indubitably". The meaning is fine, the flow with the rest of the sentence is not. (very minor)

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Although she's an optimist, this proves others wrong when her firm side is needed.

No idea what you mean by this. What does her optimism prove wrong? (very minor)

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Hardly resorting to violence early unless it's the ultimate decision that has to be taken in a situation is something that makes her the one that analyzes things much better in comparison to most.

Long sentence. Bad flow. (very minor)

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...others see as an older sister, or possibly even a mother figure.

She's incredibly young. The bare minimum age, in fact. Loses some credibility. (very minor)

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She isn’t afraid to voice her thoughts on something, and she’ll stand firm to protect in what she believes in.

You just got through saying that she is quiescent and humble, especially in relation to the "brash" friends you have. Not a major issue at all, as they can somewhat coexist. Just be wary. (very minor)

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There were times while in the camps that she was sought out by many as a source of tranquility and peace. Hoping for the best, she would always console her visitors by explaining to them that everything would work out if it was meant to be and that even the children would be reunited with their families very soon.

Are you talking about... Rukongai? Please clarify, as it is not immediately apparent. I must also bring up your age... it makes this loose credibility somewhat, but it's fine. (very minor).


Likes / Dislikes
There is a huge amount of spacing between the "Likes" / "Dislikes" and the actual list. Please fix that. (moderate)

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The list doesn't actually provide much. I would actually suggest you remove the lists so that you can bring it out in your actual roleplay as you develop your character. Otherwise, you should expand on *why* you like / dislike said things. (moderate)

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Pocky

This quickly earns my ire. If you want the simple reason, it's far too common an *obsession* among North American anime fans (at least, I have personally had bad experiences with the accursed people around me). Also, realize how out of place it is on the list. "Music, Nature, History, Children... Pocky" (not the order, but work with me here). (minor)


Bad Habits : This is better filed under personality. Doesn't need its own section. (moderate).

Fighting Style

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...and being more of a healer. Rather then a fighter...

This is a comma moment. Some minor changes to the two sentences to accommodate this are needed. (moderate)

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Although most of the squad members don't carry theirs

I would imagine that most of the people signing up for a Shinigami position are going to be carrying around their Zan, fourth division or not. This is most likely in reference to the canon, but when you get more people in the division, it may end up being just wrong. It also does not really add much to the description, meaning it's unnecessary at the moment. (moderate)


Background
Grammatically stifling. Some compound words are not correctly connected (her self). Incorrect ownership use (lack of apostrophes in some areas, too many apostrophes in others...). Their and There...

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You constantly change how you reference your character. Pick something and stick with it because it's confusing at it stands.

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Wait, your character was a "Princess"..?

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Patchouli Marry Angel

Again. Make up your mind. You went from Izaya and her nicknames to your name as a human.

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Their was something about Iza, she didn’t quite know even about herself, she wasn’t meant to be a human… No, she was meant to be a shin her self, but the only one who knew that was The shin’s their self’s

No. Humans die. Some dead humans become Shinigami. It's not as though the Shinigami are some secret race that you are chosen to become *instead* of becoming a human. It's the cycle of Spirit World -> Human World -> Spirit World. Plus, the Shinigami aren't going to know you're "meant" to be a Shinigami... because you're not. You're not even dead yet. (major)

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be a shin her self

No. Unless you were referring to part of your leg, don't do this. Use the full term, if you would, otherwise it looks unnecessarily silly. (major)

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I've finished with the first paragraph.
First, people age within Soul Society, albeit at a slower rate. You implied that you died at eighteen ("but only still looking eighteen"), which 100 years within Soul Society would cause you to change.

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I get to this and I'm forced to stop

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“Child, you were not ever meant to be a HUMAN, no. You were spouse to grow up for the rest of your life as a Shinigami. Not a human, end of story.

This seems to be an important theme throughout your history. I'm sorry. Not going to happen. Shinigami are dead human spirits that have spiritual power. Dead human spirits are... spirits of dead humans, that reside in Soul Society. To be sent to Soul Society, a Shinigami must perform the necessary actions, after which you will be purified and lose your memory of your time in the human world.

Backstory isn't workable with this. (Very Major)

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There also seems to have been a drop in quality between your profile and your background. Your background doesn't really need to be anything amazing, Patchi -- you don't need to be a human princess or actually destined to be a shinigami. Such things actually makes it more difficult to say "yes" to your background in general. Good fortune and a unique life are certainly appreciated (not required), but going overboard most definitely is not. Please rethink your background and make sure to reread it (as a few of the grammatical errors would most likely have been caught on a re-read).

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Then I read the rest of your background, since something caught my eye.

No.

Your clothing change. No. Not only highly impractical, but not tasteful, either (and by that, it makes quite frankly no sense and just seems like something stuck in there).

What's with the two random guys? If this is Izaya's house, what's with the random people suddenly showing up, apparently hostile and unknown enough that your "sister" can just chop off an arm without repercussions? If this *isn't* your house, why is Izaya suddenly running inside other people's houses to chase down little girls?

Amy's sudden change from happy little schoolgirl (that coincidentally just so happened to dismember a man) to frightened puppy at the sight of your Zanpakutou. No.

The Zanpakutou at all. I highly recommend against detailing anything specific about your Zanpakutou, especially its powers. There is a chance that what you think you'll have simply won't be approved and you'll be forced to make a different one, leaving you with the options of changing your background or leaving in incredibly incorrect information.

Major overhaul is necessitated. (major)