Hezro's RP sample (Approved)

From the depths of the Forest of Menos a yell is heard. After the yell a crash as if one of the gigantic trees fell down. But that seemed impossible with the power of the creatures that roamed around. To do something like that you needed to have much more strength. The enormous Hollows that were in the forest were hard to kill, but so delicious that no Hollow could resist. And for the most, that hunger would be the end of them. But for the rare ones to prevail, the dead corpse was a meal to never forget.

Anyway. A group of five hollows had taken one of those powerful, gigantic and yet clumsy beasts down. Having the meal of their lives, some of them gave out a roar. Would it scare of the Menos? No, it would only show that the Hollows are cocky and so... easy to kill. But when the other Hollows surrounding them had so much Reiatsu the Menos didn't really care about the puny Hollows with so little Reiatsu, that they could only fit for an appetizer. It could be felt that the Menos are moving away from them and the Hollows where lucky they did. Only the leader of the five Hollows was angry about it.

When they had finished their meal, rested and recovered from injuries gotten from the previous fight they moved further. They slowly went to the south and started to move out. In the front a Hollow in the form of a Lion, the leader it would seem. Moving to the south and cranked about the Reiatsu they felt there, they didn't even care to feel the Reiatsu around them. The Reiatsu of one of the Hollows started to flicker. The hollow lost its form and started to stretch at the ceiling of the forest. Only moments later the Hollow himself had become a Menos. The Menos opened it's mouth and a red ball of energy formed in it. The Hollows took a careless look to the back and their eyes opened wide. It seemed they decided to look behind them after all, but only when it was too late. Foolish creatures... The red ball was fired out of the Menos' mouth and the red beam first killed the Leader and then it was drown at the other Hollows. In a matter of seconds the group of five was now a single Menos standing alone in the Forest of Menos. They outnumbered him in thousands and were soon to be killed by Hezroo. The Menos raised the left leg up as he was going to move. He placed the leg in front of him and let it down making a laud noise when the leg made contact with the blood stained ground. Hezro looked at the ground for a moment and then started to walk. Making a great noise, with each, even so light step.

These sights were in Hezro mind. They could be seen by him in running like a movie when he closed his eyes. He then started to walk slowly. Now without making such a huge noise. Now the noise was more silent as he had already learned how to control this new body of his. Well... more or less. A Menos was standing in front of him. Hezro moved at him slowly, without the intention to kill the Menos in front of him. Or at least so it would seem. With the same black clothes-like robe on him the Menos stood there. "The same as all the others in this damn Forest." Thought, Hezro to him self. Hezro body swung from one side to the other as he was walking slowly at the Menos. The Menos turned his body at Hezro since at the first he was walking at the north. Hezro was in the west so the Menos turned only his head at the beginning. The hollow watched Hezro as suddenly he saw a pool of blood behind Hezro.The Menos' eyes opened wide. Hezro used the moment to start charging at the Menos. Bending his body slightly he gained speed. But with such a bad footing he could only stop if he felt on his face, ran into a tree or any other object. Hezro jumped at the Menos and bite its mask. He regained his footing on the earth and bite off the lower portion of the Menos' mask. Then the other half and the rest of the body.

Hezro looked to the left to see where the Menos was going. Before, it got brutal murdered by Hezro. He didn't see anything. But then he felt a pretty big Reiatsu. That was probably the reason the Menos was going there. Well there wasn't a reason for Hezro not to go. He would get a gigantic meal or he would have gone there for nothing at all. "Why not..." Hezro thought to himself as he started to move at the direction with the huge Reiatsu. As he walked straight all the time it didn't seem that the Reiatsu was coming closer. You thing, that on the way there you would have nothing to do but to look around. Look at the trees the dead remains and the few creatures with the tiny Reiatsu. But Hezro's look was straight all the time.

bumping this

Did you rush this? Because I see a lot of grammatical errors in it, much more than I usually see from you.

I would actually like a rewrite of this. We really don't see much of Hezro's personality so it may be better to choose a different point in his life where you can roleplay him better. And next time, please be careful about the grammar errors. I know you can do better than this.

So, rewrite it or make another one please.