Bleach: Awakening of the Elder Ones
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Bleach: Awakening of the Elder Ones

A Bleach RP based in an alternate universe. Years of struggle and strife are common on this planet. But this chaos is slowly catching the attention of those that should have remained asleep.
 
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Zafaron's Book! Icon_minitimeWed Jan 02, 2013 5:26 am by Stauracius Diogenes

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Zafaron Uriuc


Posts : 772
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Join date : 2010-02-12
Age : 32
Location : California Dude!

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PostSubject: Zafaron's Book!   Zafaron's Book! Icon_minitimeSat May 08, 2010 2:09 am

So for the past few months I have slowly been writing a fantasy book while also juggling video games, schoolwork, and of course the forum. I did this back on one of the old sites and decided to do it here as well. Below is a copy of my first chapter that I wrote. So far my favorite since chapters 2 and 3 are full of boring descriptions and exposition while this one starts out right into the action. I would love some critiques. Anything good, bad, confusion, or otherwise please share it. I put a lot of work into this thing and I want to make it as great as I can.

But anyways, read on. And get ready, it is 12 and half pages in word so expect something long.

And just one thing, I really like a little bit of thought put into any comments or critiques you have. Just saying "wow, that was a great chapter" doesn't do much besides stroke my ego but it won't help me improve. Of course I don't want flaming either but I doubt anyone would do that. So please, any help or advice would be accepted.


Spoiler:
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Stauracius Diogenes

Stauracius Diogenes


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PostSubject: Re: Zafaron's Book!   Zafaron's Book! Icon_minitimeSat May 08, 2010 3:01 am

Anyone who is thinking when seeing the length of the text that he won't read it, he is absolutely wrong.

The text at least deserves thumbs up. I love the introduction to the place where the first chapter would take place.

*Warning Spoilers!*
Spoiler:

I hope we will get to see more powerful fights soon. I am waiting for a clash between two armies or at least two major persons.

Looking forward seeing Chapter 2 ^^.
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Fuuga Natsu

Fuuga Natsu


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PostSubject: Re: Zafaron's Book!   Zafaron's Book! Icon_minitimeSun May 09, 2010 1:24 am

I just wish there was more of an intro, then again, many books start without it and instead you pick it up as you go. However, knowing nothing about the next chapters, I'll just go with the lack of an intro to the universe being a minor flaw that is easily fixed.

That's just my 2 cents though. Besides that, it's pretty well written. A little note, that final name, Drakmos - I personally find that "Drak" and similar in names for Dark Kings/Lords and such is somewhat overused. However, it also depends on how the character is really like, so for that I'll have to read on before I can really say more about it.

Interesting reading Zaf, and I can see you've put a lot of thought into it. Keep it up mate, and good luck with the rest of the book Smile
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