Bleach: Awakening of the Elder Ones

A Bleach RP based in an alternate universe. Years of struggle and strife are common on this planet. But this chaos is slowly catching the attention of those that should have remained asleep.
 
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 Mushasune Yosuke 9th Division Captain

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Mushasune Yosuke

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PostSubject: Mushasune Yosuke 9th Division Captain   Sun Aug 22, 2010 3:06 am

Name: Mushasune Yosuke

Age: 390

Visual Age: looks 42

Years since Entrance into the Gotei 13: 300

Gender: Male

Division: 9th

Rank: Captain

Appearance: Mushy wears his captains uniform for the most part. He tends to take pride in his rank as Captain, thus he wears it most for the time when he travels, walks through Soul society. Though, when alone Mushy does tend to wear a elegant black with gold trimming kimono. He usually wears this when he is in the 9th division quarters alone as he write poetry.

--large picture--



Spoiler:
 


Personality:

General: Mushy is a very boring person. He doesn't shoot out to other peoples interest as strong or heroic, merely as an average looking shinigami. the reason why he has obtained such a reputation because of his outlook on life as well as his general personality. his outlook on life itself is merely to "survive and live through a peaceful life full of rest and relaxation". This is the common rule he follows for the most part, though he still does believe in protecting others for the reason that it is just. He does not know any theory behind him protecting others, but merely saying that "it was the right thing to do". his life motto of his also fits into his general personality, a lazy ass mutha fucka. His eyes are never open completely, always half open or half closed depending on the one whom is making the comment about his laziness. He tends to relax allot and sleep for the most part. He even closes his eyes when other are speaking to him. he doesn't say much and he doesn't really have a certain "side" to the belief that all Things hollow are bad. he knows that a hallow was once a human, and that the human may still be existent somewhere in that corrupt being. Though he doesn't think about this much.

Though Mushy may be lazy, he is oddly observing and even hardworking. When his eyes are closed are when his attentions seem to be focused on other things while a lecture is being given or a mission is being told, his mind is actually focussing on the facts for the words and the strategies he can focus on to complete his mission. And when he is alone, as other presume he is either sleeping or relaxing, he is actually thinking of ways to better himself and his squad. he thinks of ways to train his squad members as well as train himself to become a better leader as he had just been appointed. thus it can be easily said that the outer shell of Mushy is a lazy ass, but in his mind he is more observant and intelligent.

on the more comical, but discrete side. Mushy has a great interest in Romance novels and Bikini magazines. he likes to read a book called, "Perverts Anonymous" while he has free time. he also tends to practice poetry because he seems to find a passion with it.

Fighting Style:

Kido~ Mushy has no skill in Kido what-so-ever. the only kido he can perform are Bakudo 21 and 81. hado he can only perform hado 31 and 32. though some may believe it was odd he could master a level 81 kido spell without knowing others, mushy merely trained it because it was "useful"

Speed~ Mushy's Shunpo skills are slightly above average for captains. he likes to use shunpo in order to avoid attacks, but he doesn't have a mastery in it. he has trained in it though in order to utilize is in battles though. he beleives that shunpo is a key asset for winning fights.

Strength~ Mushy's strength is the most skilled feature, being higher than most Captains. he can overpower some in a battle of swordsmanship because of his brute streangth, being able to crack the earth by stabbing his blade into the ground. his streangth is something to be feared.

Stamina/Reiatsu/Agility~ Mushy can last through battles more so than most shinigami. his relaxed body seems to be without limit in terms of available energy. Though he does get tired, he is merely to lazy to show it. he may pant when he gets exhausted and thats it. Reiatsu wise, he has allot. his spiritual pressure is very noticeable and strong, though not completely overwhelming. it can be described as slightly over average for a Captain level. in terms of agility, Mushy has a keen eye, watching the opponents movements and speed as much as he can in order to predict the area were they will strike.

Background:

as a human, Mushy was born into a family that had been having financial issues. he grew up with the passions to play sports though. When Mushy was 10 he was playing basketball for local leagues and being the starting point guard for all his teams. His father looked at him with pure pride and joy do to the fact that his boy was a star and that he may get a college scholarship and have a better future than he or his wife had. The mother looked at this child from a different perspective though. she did not focus on his sports as much as she made him study for his scholastics. she constantly bombarded him with assignments and practice tests so that he could go to a good college and not act like a idiot jock. this alone provided stress amongst the marriage of Mushy's parents. the mother disapproved of the sports and wanted the focus to be on school. the father wanted his son to do basketball and to get that scholarship. in the end though, the two divorced, leaving Mushy with split custody between the two. He did not approve of this whole situation, for the reason that he had no say in what was going on. his parents never gave him the time and attention for him to actually say that he could do both basketball and study, it seemed easy for him actually. But, the mere difference in perspective split his family up, and he couldn't do anything about it after that.

After the divorce, Mushy had been experiencing MORE stress in the family than usual. even separated, his mom and dad argued about what they were doing with him on their time because hey believed that whatever the other party was doing was not in the best interest of the child. Mushy looked at this whole situation gravely and even scornfully. and, when mushy reached the age of 18, he left both of them and told them before hand that he couldn't stand them anymore. he wanted his own life, without the burden of his father and mother arguing about him all the time. HE than moved from his hometown to another country and took up a job as a ramen chef. he still pursued his passion for basketball and it did get him into a college, but he was also accepted for scholastics. he had a great life after that. he was in collage basketball and being considerably famous, and he was doing great in college in general.

Soon enough, time passed, mushy got through college and he was playing pro basketball back in his hometown. he cut off most connection with his family, he only sent letters to them to say hi and for holidays. Mushy was tired though. he was not liking basketball as much and the whole ideal about how his parents felt completely hit him. he had not acknowledged how they felt about his leave and just did it, just as they has did with the divorce. Thus, Mushy decided to actually visit them. he drove to his mothers first. wanted to see how she was doing. Though this would be the last die he would live. mushy got in a car crash that day, he was 42.

The next thing he new, he was in the rukongai district. he had no memory of what happened, and he paid no attention to it at all. he merely seemed to relax all day, without a care in the world about were he was or what he was doing. Though, in his dreams, he began to hear voices. a woman with armor kept speaking to him through his dreams. he hated it, and it kept saying to "chase his destiny". and in general, mushy thought "chasing his destiny" sounded too exhausting. People began to refer him as the pig of dreams, being more of a slob and a lazy ass in rukongai. Though, something happened that was different. as he slept one day, his dream changed from a mere voice of the lady, to a battle. he had to fight the armored girl in a sword fight. he got slashed and cut down, but he seemed to keep getting up in this fight. he finally struck the armored girl in his dream, defeating her. she merely said that he had done well. after that he woke up, a katana at his side. he was now a shinigami by chance.

Mushy was now becoming less of a slob each day. when the past mushy would have slept, the new mushy trained on his sword fighting skills. he still believed that being lazy wasn't bad though. soon enough,. he was noticed by soul society. he was even asked by a group of shinigami to come with them to the barracks as he was sword training. Mushy merely said. "why not....i have nothing better to do." this was surpassing. mushy usually put no effort in life anymore, but he had a feeling this would make him a better person....if all that was indeed possible.

he was in the barracks for years, training hard, but he still showed others he was still lazy. he slept on some jobs and he even slept through training. this did NOT give him a good reputation in the 9th squad. Though, soon he would learn that being lazy isn't always the best choice. Mushy soon spoke with the Captain before him, the captains said that if he continued to act the way he was, that it would only lead to him dieing, sleeping forever. You would think this whole ideal would appeal to Mushy, BUT it didn't. he realized his life was shit, he didn't even do anything with it. he than began to strive to the focus that he wanted peace to be achieved, and with peace everyone could relax like he did. he wanted people to experience the feeling of relaxation.

As mushy changed for the better, mastering shikai in the next following years. he began to become a real shinigami. he went on lagit missions and trained more so than he already did. soon enough, his reputation was now "the lazy prodigy" he still exhibited his sloth like ways, but he also exhibited his skill with his blade. this soon caught the attention of other Captains and even the captain Commander himself. than, soon enough he mastered even bankai. Though, many years had passed before that could be done. hours, even days WITHOUT sleep had to be done in order for that to happen. the surprised most people because mushy didn't seem like the one to get dedicated. He also was now leading groups of shinigami, learning to lead, learning to make sure the men he was responsible for didn't; die, etc. he was a skilled strategist by some. though tragic news of the Captains death came to him. he didn't look like he cared on the outside, but he did on the inside. that was the man whom got him to act more serious. now he leads the 9th division, the way he believes is right. he makes sure his people don't suffer the same fate he does and makes them do heavy training while he relaxes. he believes that they will better themselves more so than he has. though, recently he is doing the work at his fullest capacity. his intelligence surpasses most and it gets the job done.


Last edited by Mushasune Yosuke on Sun Aug 22, 2010 11:52 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Hideaki Ryouta

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PostSubject: Re: Mushasune Yosuke 9th Division Captain   Sun Aug 22, 2010 4:35 am

Alright. Let's begin with the most obvious problem.

It seems like you didn't really take the time to read the site and get a feel for it. In fact, I think you may have even skimmed over the template a tad much.

In case you wish to do the same for this denial, allow me to save you the trouble of having to look for the word you're looking for.

DENIED

Not only are you blatantly missing a requisite to become captain ("how you lead" section), you also happen to have an age that is explicitly noted as disallowed. I would feel squeamish about your age by itself -- regardless of whether you had the physical appearance to compensate for it -- but 500 years and looking 20 is simply not going to fly. As the template specifically notes that you can't do this, I am going to assume you either conveniently missed it, or simply didn't take the time out to read past "Age:".

Your personality isn't interesting in the least. You're calm and collected, friendly to everybody... but a pervert. You try to be comical, but you're just not funny. You try to show off your "manlyness"... but you say you don't have any. It just feels like something stolen from a badly written shounen anime. And not even the main character, either -- you've delegated your character to the slapstick sidekick, the one nobody really cares about but you have to put into the series to liven things up with the main character just gets too intense.

You are Shinigami Kon.

But you're not even an ordinary Kon. You're overpowered Kon, as well. You're physically strong, even for a captain. You're strong in kido, even for a captain. Your speed is *intense*, even for a captain. I don't understand it... where does this guy find the time to pretty much be absolute awesome at everything? How can this guy not just implode from his own power level?

Oh, that's right, he's a *genius*.

Shikai in a week. Not going to happen. Sorry, just not going to happen. Even plot-armor Ichigo, who is in *constant Shikai mode*, didn't manage to get Shikai that fast. And when you pass up plot-armor Ichigo, you know you've just gone way too far for your own good.


Your background is less than stellar, as well, really. People who go to Rukongai don't remember their past lives on Earth. Of course you wouldn't remember who your parents were -- nobody does. You're not going to meet your Zanpakutou spirit... unless you actually have a Zanpakutou.

The whole tear-inducing love thing with the old people is also really not followed up well in the rest of the biography. You somehow got news that they died and you were crushed... but not for long! It feels like you *want* them to be an important part of your bio, but... they're just not, at the moment. I've dropped an ice-cream cone on the ground and had a harder time dealing with it than your character. It's hard to take them seriously.


~~~
Now, time for grammar...

You have issues with it. You should run it through a spell-check at least once and then reread it to make sure it makes sense, after the fact. I spent a good deal of time wondering what this "shick" phenomena was and where I could find its dealer. Beyond that, your sentences are both choppy and simple and you tend to neglect capitalization rituals.

I can understand it, but it heavily detracts from the flow of what you're trying to say. Not a good place to be in.
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Mushasune Yosuke

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PostSubject: Re: Mushasune Yosuke 9th Division Captain   Sun Aug 22, 2010 5:50 am

ite, noted completely i beleive. i hope the age and fighting style are better now. those are the things im slightly "nervouse" about ^^
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Butter Wrestling Warrior

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PostSubject: Re: Mushasune Yosuke 9th Division Captain   Tue Aug 24, 2010 9:24 pm

I'm glad to see that you reacted well to criticism and really went to work on revising this profile. However, there are a couple of things that still need to be fixed before approval...

1) The part with Mushasune interacting with his zanpakuto spirit in Rukongai is still in the backstory. As we've said before, a shinigami cannot interact with their spirit until they actually receive their zanpakuto (so not until they enter the shinigami academy).

2) Don't know how I missed this before, but the human arc of the backstory is historically inaccurate. A basketball player going through the leagues in the 1700s... NO. Since the human arc is centered around that Mushasune being a basketball player, I suggest that you revise that part of the backstory completely, so that your character does things that would make sense for the time period.

And PLEASE capitalize the words at the beginning of sentences. It makes it very hard to read, and may prevent you from earning a captain position. >:-(

Other than that, it looks alright. Just make those revisions.

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