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| Hakuchūmu Shinzō ( Espada )(DENIED) | |
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H Shinzo
Posts : 17 Points : 0 Join date : 2010-03-10
| Subject: Hakuchūmu Shinzō ( Espada )(DENIED) Thu Mar 11, 2010 2:32 am | |
| Name : Hakuchūmu Shinzō Age : 207 - Visual Age: 26 Gender : Male - Aspect of Death : RAGE Rank : 4th Espada Personality : He highly value order and structure. He is totally loyal and devoted to his leader, believing strongly in doing his duty, been a great strategist and good player. He take charge of his life, and don't place faith in luck. He always try to solve problems in a practical, fast and uncomplicated manner. He really like to get away from it all and be alone from time to time to contemplate the sky. Even so his not a loner. He is always quite willing to accept certain risks in exchange for interesting and varied works. He really hates routines. What he really likes the most is to be able to play an active role in things. Even so been a calm person he can have an intense and quick temper if someone disrupts him. Appearance - Spoiler:
His mask on his left eye, hollow hole in chest. Fighting style : He prefers to go for it when in battle. His attacks are just like his personality very volatile and violent aiming for vital spots of his enemies using his Kalis in such random way that makes hard to read his movements. He is a very fearful enemy only maybe losing to the Primera, due to his lack of emotion when fighting, not caring about nothing else when on it. Favorite Quote : "Everyone has a wild beast within, they just let it sleep" Background Background - Human Arc -He was born in a noble military family, accepting his fate, and working for his country, like his father. Being exiled, after not carrying out an order to destroy some villages of the border, so that its neighboring country would carry its guilty. After several years he returned to fight for his land in a great maritime war, but ends up betrayed by his own kingdom, used as an item of exchange between the two sides. They, he and his crew, been killed by a trap organized by the two sides, a task required by the country which he had devoted so much. After that he couldn't bear to remain submerged in the ocean floor at peace, without knowing what had happened on the surface. Not being able to understand that feelings, anger, hate, sadness, excitement, satisfaction it made his hollow hole grows extremely fast after the breaking of his chain. After he reached the surface, all he felt was the cold blade of a sword, as everything was going totally dark. - Hueco Mundo Arc -After stabbed, his shattered soul, totally confused, angry and lost made it lose its way from the Soul Society and spent several years wandering aimlessly in a endless dark alone. Hollow Appearance
- Spoiler:
After he waked in hueco mundo he started to try to fill that empty and hunger that he felt and grew more and more, day after day. But after he managed to get out the Menos Forest a huge hollow, attacked and swallow him whole. A few days later, when the hollow was about to be destroyed, it started to lose the control over his body that seemed to burn inside, while listened to a strange voice in his head "weak, too weak. You're disgraceful, can't even fight right. Enough, i'll assume now on" And then within a great red flash, the hollow that attacked was in pieces at the foot of this completely new being. Finally after reaching the White Desert, that empty and that hunger seemed like to disappear completely from within him, dissolved in that strange view. He started to kill and absorve anyone who would disturb or mess him while enjoying that view of a great endless white sea with a moon in a so dense black sky. Hollow Appearance 2
- Spoiler:
Day after day, killing those annoying hollows, one day a strange being showed up irritating him more than anyone had done before, talking about lazyness, work to do, and about how he would slowly kill him for not listening his words. After the not so disputed fight ending with him seating over the dead body looking up toward the sky again, in the middle a large red stain around the whole area on the sand, another strange being, interested in his skills and technique, who looked like the previous, dressed in white and looking like a human showed up, inviting him to go to Las Noches to join them. Offering him new places and new skies for him to observe. Interested, curious and already bored from that view, he decides to follow the stranger to the castle, and accept his proposal, deciding to join the so called Espadas. Resurrection - La Bestia
Last edited by Stauracius Diogenes on Sun Mar 21, 2010 5:19 am; edited 8 times in total (Reason for editing : added more thingys) | |
| | | Stauracius Diogenes
Posts : 227 Points : 74 Join date : 2010-02-15
| Subject: Re: Hakuchūmu Shinzō ( Espada )(DENIED) Thu Mar 11, 2010 6:47 am | |
| APPROVEDGood job doing your background,and listing every part of your character's story. You may wanna add some more features about your character's appearance! Welcome to the forum . | |
| | | Zafaron Uriuc Admin
Posts : 772 Points : 161 Join date : 2010-02-12 Age : 32 Location : California Dude!
| Subject: Re: Hakuchūmu Shinzō ( Espada )(DENIED) Thu Mar 11, 2010 1:54 pm | |
| Yeah, more on the appearance is necessary. If you don't want to describe him, then just find a picture. We need to know more about him.
Also, I am a little confused about your backstory due to all the random quotes in the human part. In summary, he was fighting these guys, was surrounded, and his crew destroyed themselves trying to either protect him or to kill him. Then he realizes the Captain that is about to kill him is actually his brother. He and his crew are killed. Sound about right?
But then you said a sword goes through him. What sword? A Zanpakuto? Because if that was the case, he would have returned to the Soul Society not Hueco Mundo.
"As time passed and the arrancar power increasead over the hueco mundo, he knew that he even been stronger he would never be able to resist it." What? This statement confuses me.
And honestly? I really doubt Rubi would have a potential ally rip off his wings. Rubicaante needs his subordinates at full power. He probably would find some other way to have him prove his loyalty. Or maybe nothing at all, Rubi may just expect that everyone would already be loyal to him since everyone is terrified of him. So you should probably change that up a bit. | |
| | | H Shinzo
Posts : 17 Points : 0 Join date : 2010-03-10
| Subject: Re: Hakuchūmu Shinzō ( Espada )(DENIED) Thu Mar 11, 2010 10:09 pm | |
| - Zafaron Uriuc wrote:
- Yeah, more on the appearance is necessary. If you don't want to describe him, then just find a picture. We need to know more about him.
But then you said a sword goes through him. What sword? A Zanpakuto? Because if that was the case, he would have returned to the Soul Society not Hueco Mundo. i've really thought that to be sent to soul society it should be performed a soul burial ritual by the shinigami... but whatever i'm gonna change somethings and correct some mistakes on it. | |
| | | H Shinzo
Posts : 17 Points : 0 Join date : 2010-03-10
| Subject: Re: Hakuchūmu Shinzō ( Espada )(DENIED) Sun Mar 14, 2010 6:02 am | |
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| | | Stauracius Diogenes
Posts : 227 Points : 74 Join date : 2010-02-15
| Subject: Re: Hakuchūmu Shinzō ( Espada )(DENIED) Sun Mar 14, 2010 2:27 pm | |
| To be frank,this is worse than the previous one.You must read every part of the forum's s storyline.Your character's mask can't be broken by a mere cero.Look man,you must take two things into account when you create a background;
1)It mustn't go against the forum's storyline and 2)Maintain some logic in it
Also please remove or at least put a limit in the number of quotes you use! And don't add colours! | |
| | | H Shinzo
Posts : 17 Points : 0 Join date : 2010-03-10
| Subject: Re: Hakuchūmu Shinzō ( Espada )(DENIED) Tue Mar 16, 2010 3:04 am | |
| ok its reworked now...(so?) | |
| | | Madame Rose
Posts : 458 Points : 59 Join date : 2010-02-23
| Subject: Re: Hakuchūmu Shinzō ( Espada )(DENIED) Wed Mar 17, 2010 3:17 pm | |
| It was said not to have it unnecessarily long, not to have it so short and threadbare that I'd get more information on him from asking someone he'd met in a bar. The few sentences that you do have in your background are either horribly bland or just plain typed out poorly.
Your appearance is also a bit lackluster, given that you put only a black and white drawing out, so we have no clue what he really looks like. We know he has no mask fragments, going from the face, that his hollow hole is in between his pectorals, and we also know the length of his hair. We do not know how his lower half looks, or even if he has any color anywhere or if he's even more ghostly than Ulquiorra himself.
His aspect of death is rather unfitting, given how he has not a shred of despair anywhere. He's a happy-go-lucky person who respects people and probably threads together daisies to make jewelry when he's not fighting.
Of course, I'm only a temporary Madmid, what do I know about it?.../rolls eyes | |
| | | H Shinzo
Posts : 17 Points : 0 Join date : 2010-03-10
| Subject: Re: Hakuchūmu Shinzō ( Espada )(DENIED) Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:16 pm | |
| - Kurokotsu Dokueki wrote:
- Your appearance is also a bit lackluster, given that you put only a black and white drawing out, so we have no clue what he really looks like. We know he has no mask fragments, going from the face, that his hollow hole is in between his pectorals, and we also know the length of his hair. We do not know how his lower half looks.
His aspect of death is rather unfitting, given how he has not a shred of despair anywhere.
Well the lower half isn't really important it is? after all, i don't think that any espada would be wearing a short or bermudas... most of them use white long pants or a white hakama so...and his mask is there on his left eye. and its not because its black white that he is all white (that one was really lame) About the black-white im working about coloring it... and yeah, i was reviewing all the aspects... i'm gonna change it i guess, maybe silence, vengence or deception. | |
| | | Stauracius Diogenes
Posts : 227 Points : 74 Join date : 2010-02-15
| Subject: Re: Hakuchūmu Shinzō ( Espada )(DENIED) Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:21 pm | |
| - H Shinzo wrote:
- Kurokotsu Dokueki wrote:
- Your appearance is also a bit lackluster, given that you put only a black and white drawing out, so we have no clue what he really looks like. We know he has no mask fragments, going from the face, that his hollow hole is in between his pectorals, and we also know the length of his hair. We do not know how his lower half looks.
His aspect of death is rather unfitting, given how he has not a shred of despair anywhere.
Well the lower half isn't really important it is? after all, i don't think that any espada would be wearing a short or bermudas... most of them use white long pants or a white hakama so...and his mask is there on his left eye. and its not because its black white that he is all white (that one was really lame)
About the black-white im working about coloring it...
and yeah, i was reviewing all the aspects... i'm gonna change it i guess, maybe silence, vengence or deception. Reading your character's personality,the most fitable aspect is Rage.You character is short-tempered so yes why not? | |
| | | H Shinzo
Posts : 17 Points : 0 Join date : 2010-03-10
| Subject: Re: Hakuchūmu Shinzō ( Espada )(DENIED) Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:23 pm | |
| - Quote :
- Reading your character's personality,the most fitable aspect is Rage.You character is short-tempered so yes why not?
yeah thanks, it sure fits well (i've forgot to read about rage) | |
| | | Stauracius Diogenes
Posts : 227 Points : 74 Join date : 2010-02-15
| Subject: Re: Hakuchūmu Shinzō ( Espada )(DENIED) Thu Mar 18, 2010 10:49 am | |
| I officially APPROVE your character.The background is better than before and quite satisfying for a normal character. Though don't take it for granted.You must repay your lack to achieve the 4th seat of the Espada with a godly and magnificent roleplay sample. https://bleach-awakening.forummotion.com/arrancar-ranks-f56/There will be the 2 important factors that will decide your being an espada; GrammarLogicThe most difficult part of this is that you will have to post at least 500 words. I will close this thread permanently. | |
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