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| Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] | |
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Taichou
Posts : 14 Points : 0 Join date : 2010-03-30
| Subject: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Tue Mar 30, 2010 2:28 pm | |
| Name: Miyanoshita, Keiichirou Age: 259 Visual Age: 26 or 27 Years in Soul Society: 132 Years Since Banishment: 127 Gender: Male Former Division: 5th Former Shinigami Rank: Captain Rank: Low Elite Appearance:- Spoiler:
Personality:Keiichirou is an indecisive young man who is easily tempered and can somehow break a wall from just hearing a silly joke. He hates childish acts and often scolds people from acting like a kid. Despite having a very weak side, he has the other serious type of him during battles. Between battles, his eyes are seen squinted normally and is serious. He tries to think of a plan to get out from the battle instead of holding it on, although this is when the fight is taking either too long or is dragging too much time from him. If he battles somebody stronger than him. He becomes much more cautious than average and starts to take a challenge seriously. He fights until the fight ends in either the other loses or he loses. To him, draw is basically impossible to be acceptable. Inner Hollow Personality: He is quite similar to Keiichirou but still has his own differences. He's lazy and laidback unlike Keiichirou and never does his work. The only similarity between him and Keiichirou is that they are both serious in battles and likes to fight somebody stronger than themselves. He is foul-mouthed, heartless with nothing but the instinct to kill, but it still has its mind. The inner hollow is not obedient at all, but still promises on what he promises to others. Inner Hollow Appearance:It is a male inner hollow taking a form of a female even though it's a male. In its female form, it wears a bright white robe with blue outline of the robe. The face is pure white without nothing. It also has slight short black hair curved up to the neck. But in its male form, it looks like a demon with long red hair and has dark green skin. Fighting Style: Speed Background:- Spoiler:
Keiichirou lived in a magnificent mansion with three large yards and many gardens outside filled with blooming flowers and trees. Keiichirou was somehow born with an indecisive mind and often back-talks to his parents, but he still lived happily for few years until he became a Middle Schooler.
On his way home with his friends, he talked with them about some comedy show and kept changing subjects, but they still managed to laugh focusing on just one subject. His friends departed to their shelter as they went on the road. It decreased as time went by, and Keiichirou was the only one left. He was under a bridge, shadow covering all of his body. Loneliness is sure a pain at 7:23 PM. Noticing it was already late, he ran home instead of day dreaming under the bridge, though, it was already dark in the sky and star began to show behind the clouds.
He stopped at a sidewalk where he sees a X crossroad. He looks at the signal waiting for the red light to swap its position with green light. After the green light popped up, he ran but then before he could do anything, his eyes became black seeing nothing, feeling nothing, but the sorrow around him. He was dead, crushed by a company truck instantly killing him in spot.
There were just two little kids. Keiichirou, and Masaki. Keiichirou was outside looking for foods. Either fruits, vegetables, and meats would be very cospious with pleasanty to them both, but then there was a tragic when a very powerful hollow just breaks into the hut and destroys everything in it. The hollow gripped Masaki who was Keiichirou's childhood friend. Shiro having no choice but to call for help asked Masaki to hold on for a bit and went off to call for help even though he was afraid.
After he got in front of the Sereitei entrance, he asked the gateguard to call some shinigamis to get rid of the huge hollow that has got Masaki. Soon by now, it would be devouring her. The gateguard shook his head and said no. Shiro bursted out crying going back to Masaki only noticing that she was gone. The hollow's mouth was filled with slurping tongue wiping of the blood of its teeth. It ate Masaki. Keiichirou yelled out for help until a man just swipes out the hollow and then takes Shiro into the Sereitei to calm him down from the incident that has just happened.
After waking up from the slumber he opened his eyes looking at the man with big his large brown eyes. The man smiled gently patting the head of Keiichirou. "Are you okay?" The man asked as Keiichirou sat up sitting cross-legged. "I am, thanks..." The man suddenly frowned and then tapped his head three times hard. It hurts. "Ow," Keiichirou yelped, "what was that for?" He never knew the word, "manner" in his life with Masaki. Masaki never minded his manner since that was the reason they got along. "You should have some manner to someone older than you." Keiichirou stood up and sighed. "Thank you." This time respectively. "There you go," The man stood up from his seated position and went to the kitchen only to bring a tea. Keiichirou grabbed the cup and sipped it and smiled with glittering eyes.
Aftersince this day, he was given the permission to live within the Sereitei and with the man who saved his life, Utsuro Miyanoshita. Utsuro somehow recommended Keiichirou to join the Shinigami Academy. At first, Keiichirou denied it and somehow managed to get out of the situation, but in the last thought, he decided it would be the best way to impress the dead Masaki. After he was made into the age to join the Shinigami Academy, he was given the last name by Utsuro, as Miyanoshita. He was officially the Miyanoshita generation kid. Keiichirou was just so happy he can wouldn't even mind him being killed by suddenly getting stomped by a Menos Grande or any way possible, but then he had to live at least... for Masaki.
Three years later he graduated the academy and then was assigned to the 5th Division as an unseated officer of course. During his years of the time of patrolling around the place as a proud Kido Tactician of the Kido Corp. he has been training the whole time trying to earn trust from the captain so that he can be assigned to a different seat, at least a seated officer.
Few years later, Utsuro died. More likely, he was killed by a hollow. His body was sucked in by a Numb Jelly a specific hollow that has multiple legs of tentacles to grab people and pour melting acids from the holes in the bottom of its mask. It was really unpleasant. Keiichirou was there to save him, but he failed due to the lack of his skill even though he was the member of the 5th Division at the same time with the Kido corporation.
Aftersince the day, he had started to get advice from the captain and started to train in his captain's own strategy that is when Keiichirou actually developed his new style of Shunpo and fighting skills. As well as the tendency to be a strategist. Someday later, he was promoted as a vice-captain and the same time, the vice-leader of the Kido Corporation.
During his time as a vice-captain, he was well respected by others and people almost loved him as a family. The mates always wanted him to stay there forever, until they were notified their captain died due to sickness. As the Soul Society tradition of passing down the position of a captain to the vice-captain, Keiichirou became a captain and became proud of himself to be one of the people.
It only been few years ever since he's became a captain. He was on a secret mission with five seated officers from the squad to check on the incident of why hollows' activities been low these days.
As they patrolled a forest in the far district in the Rukongai, they found a hollow hunting down people. Sucking their soul for their own pleasure. Keiichirou finished the hollow in an instant with just three strokes. One on the right left, one of the left one, and one of the back of its head. It was down merely in seconds.
By the time the hollow vanished, the children were already gone into their home. Until later on, somebody striked down the back of every single member of his seated officers. They lyed dead doing nothing but feeling the cold surface of the ground filled with nitrogen gases and dirt. Suddenly the area became darker than normal and he was striked from the back.
When he woke up, he being captured by his inner hollow completely taking over his body. At the same time, he was fighting the hollow inside of him. Keiichirou panted within seconds of fighting his inner hollow. It's his other half-potential, even if somebody ended the fight it would end in a draw.
"You're weak." The inner hollow spoke as he pushed the zanpakuto inside its home.
"Yeah," Keiichirou replied completely agreeing with his statement. He believed he was still weak. Weak that any other captains can be ashamed of him being a captain. Especially the same time of being the commander of the Kido Corps, "but the thing is, I never give up. Even if this fight ends in a draw, if I somehow I managed to beat you down, you'll probably have to listen to me. Right?"
"Right," the inner hollow then went into a hand-to-hand combat stance and waited for him to come, "try it."
After a strong battle they were both injured but then, Keiichirou was only injured in his mind. "Let's do the last strike, if any of us survive the strike then I'll leave, but if one is down. We get to control that person."
They both flash stepped backwards few meters and then released the same exact zanpakuto. "Kirisaki Hime!" They both blasted out a zigzagged shape of a water moving side to side like a saw. Keiichirou's blast was pure blue unlike the inner hollow's purple one. It both clashed and the blast was almost disappearing. They boosted their reishi into much more and then managed to cause an explosion to the realm.
Keiichirou slowly regained his consciousness in the middle of no where. "You won, but just for now. I'll take over later on when you can't handle something." The inner hollow said as it vanished from its mind for the time being.
After finally gaining control of the hollow, Keiichirou broke free and then was ordered to be executed. The squad members knew that there was a mistake but obviously the captain-commander wouldn't want to even listen to a common shinigami's jibberjabber.
Keiichirou and the others who seemed to be executed left Soul Society and fled to the Human World to train much harder to revenge for to the people who has done this to them. Bringing hatred towards almost everybody. Keiichirou was then recruited by a stranger. His face was familiar but he introduced his organization and his mask. Keiichirou pulled out his hand and agreed to join the masked army; Vaizards.
Last edited by Taichou on Sun Apr 18, 2010 2:09 pm; edited 4 times in total | |
| | | Zafaron Uriuc Admin
Posts : 772 Points : 161 Join date : 2010-02-12 Age : 32 Location : California Dude!
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Tue Mar 30, 2010 3:03 pm | |
| You aren't becoming a Superhuman General at age 11. No way, no how. The Generals are the leaders of their race, they aren't going to accept an 11 year old into their ranks. After all, even if he was a super genius that doesn't mean he has the judgment skills to lead a race.
And since that needs to be changed, I figure you will probably be changing the personality and background as well so I won't comment at this time.
Just for reference, you basically need to be at LEAST 20 to become a general and would need more than 3 years of having your powers. | |
| | | Taichou
Posts : 14 Points : 0 Join date : 2010-03-30
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Fri Apr 02, 2010 4:01 pm | |
| I'm sorry for the late reply. I was going to get rid of this character so don't worry, going to change it completely into ... an adult Shinigami! Playing a kid, is often disturbing and annoying. :/ I'll bump it again once I remodel the whole thing. | |
| | | Fukki Kurayami
Posts : 296 Points : 143 Join date : 2010-03-03 Age : 36 Location : Brazil lol
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Fri Apr 02, 2010 5:26 pm | |
| so i'm not gonna be the only captain killer round here lol | |
| | | Taichou
Posts : 14 Points : 0 Join date : 2010-03-30
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Fri Apr 02, 2010 5:30 pm | |
| Haha, you killed your captain in the history? I technically didn't, but... he almost died. | |
| | | Madame Rose
Posts : 458 Points : 59 Join date : 2010-02-23
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Fri Apr 02, 2010 8:36 pm | |
| Yeah...no. I could ignore the horrible personality, but the picture hocked straight from Bleach is one nail too many for the hammer to leave unhammered. Every single thing about this character is overkill, in every single possible way. You attained Bankai through a very difficult form of training about twice as fast as the Plot Armor'd Ichigo did, which is just too much, since he was even really too stupid for it. Your whole background is horribly done, and lacks any real originality whatsoever. In addition to this, it is also done with syntax mutilation, and enough bad grammar for a course on Engrish. Every single fiber of my being says to strike down this monstrosity, and so I shall listen. For now, for ever, and for always, you are DENIED | |
| | | Taichou
Posts : 14 Points : 0 Join date : 2010-03-30
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Fri Apr 02, 2010 10:00 pm | |
| One expression, "-.-".
"Horrible Personality."
That is not called moderating or whatsoever. All you did was giving negative pointers out to me not to mention that you're suppose to help to get it approved by simply adding minor changes, etc.., "Strike down this monstrosity" is also a negative thing. Honestly, the picture was nailed right from it. Then your job is to say, "Get another picture or appearance" or something so that I can change it to make it approvable.
My grammar is at least way better than yours, to be honest. This was done from the Microsoft Word spell checking system which is known to have no mistakes or flaws within it. If you just give negative pointers out only, you won't succeed as a great moderator.
Tenshintai was also made by the whole Research Bureau, not only Urahara(in the storyline). It was created to achieve bankai easily instead of training for decades in the forest. Overkill, right. -.-" | |
| | | Zafaron Uriuc Admin
Posts : 772 Points : 161 Join date : 2010-02-12 Age : 32 Location : California Dude!
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Fri Apr 02, 2010 10:55 pm | |
| First problem comes from the second line. It says flat out in the actual template that you can't have an old character look really young. You should age visually at least a year per every 10-15 years starting with your character looking 20 at age 100. They aren't going to still look that way 400 years later.
Taking pictures from anime is usually fine. Taking a picture of a Bleach character for a Bleach RP that is set in an alternate universe? Not a good choice. The picture should be changed to something non-Bleach related.
Is it actually possible for eyes to be see through from a few meters away? I am confused on how that even works? Can you see through his eye or do they just look pure white from far away? So a weird thing in your appearance.
===
Personality:
Why is he respected by the unseated officers of 2nd division when he is fifth captain. Did you use this profile from another RP and just didn't change all of the statements from it?
"When nobody does their job he suddenly scolds them on the head or either way to actually punish the ones who doesn't work when they're ordered to do so. "
I honestly don't know what to make of this. How do you scold someone on the head or either way? And saying that is an alter ego is overkill. You just say he is disciplined but gets mad when people don't do their job. That isn't an alter ego, that is just the way he works.
"Keiichirou is also quite easygoing on fighting due to the fact that he thinks he can defeat any opponent that stands in his way with any kind of tactics possible."
So he is arrogant and thinks that he could win with any type of fighting. Alright, interesting attribute. Maybe not the best one for a Captain but it could be interesting to see how he reacts to losses.
"His tactics were the ones that are famous from others."
... What does that even mean? Clarification please.
"He respects his captain very much and inspires to once become like the captain. The captain is powerful and can save everybody from everything. "
But he is a Captain. So who are you talking about? If we are talking about the old captain that should be in your backstory, not in your current personality since he IS the captain. And saying the captain (past present future???) can save everybody from everything is overkill regardless who you are talking about. Nobody is infallable and everybody makes mistakes. To not make mistakes would mean no injuries and be godmode.
Captains control divisions, not armies.
"He despises traitors of the Soul Society depending on the occasion of how they betrayed the Soul Society."
Abuse of grammar aside, are you trying to say... I really don't know what you are trying to say here? Elaborate please?
"In either way, he hates them but then has neutral conflict with others and never wants to get along with their problem."
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? You say he hates them regardless and then the part of the statement is that he is neutral to others. Either explain this better or try to word it a way that makes sense please. And I don't even think you can have a neutral conflict. Being neutral means that you don't have an opinion or don't take sides. Conflict basically requires you to take a side. So neutral conflict contradicts itself into oblivion.
Precautious isn't a word. He is just cautious.
Though it is interesting that he will retreat whenever a single person is killed. An unusual trait for sure.
Will go over backstory when I get back from dinner. | |
| | | Taichou
Posts : 14 Points : 0 Join date : 2010-03-30
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Sat Apr 03, 2010 6:28 am | |
| I will glady change some of the stuff. Although, it might take some time as you might as well review the backstory at the same time. | |
| | | Fukki Kurayami
Posts : 296 Points : 143 Join date : 2010-03-03 Age : 36 Location : Brazil lol
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Sun Apr 04, 2010 4:46 pm | |
| idk...but you guys took a little too harsh about the appearance\ pic if that was some really important character of bleach ok... but its almost a no one | |
| | | Taichou
Posts : 14 Points : 0 Join date : 2010-03-30
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Sun Apr 18, 2010 12:12 pm | |
| This was actually brought from another site. Sorry for the late reply, but i'll be fixin the whole application for now. Keep in touch. | |
| | | Naraga Zenos
Posts : 89 Points : 43 Join date : 2010-04-14 Age : 36 Location : look behind you... jk, THE U.S. OF FREAKIN A!
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Sun Apr 18, 2010 1:09 pm | |
| also I don't think you can be former captain of 2nd div. the person who is him currently has been there for some time. Just a little pointer. | |
| | | Fukki Kurayami
Posts : 296 Points : 143 Join date : 2010-03-03 Age : 36 Location : Brazil lol
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Sun Apr 18, 2010 1:32 pm | |
| yep same problem Zenos had before in his app, you can't be the former captain from that division...unless you we're really, really but really old... but anyway, why everybody wants to be from the 2nd division...
Last edited by Fukki Kurayami on Sun Apr 18, 2010 2:16 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
| | | Taichou
Posts : 14 Points : 0 Join date : 2010-03-30
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Sun Apr 18, 2010 2:04 pm | |
| Oh? :O That's quite intriguing... T_T I gotta fix my stuffies | |
| | | Naraga Zenos
Posts : 89 Points : 43 Join date : 2010-04-14 Age : 36 Location : look behind you... jk, THE U.S. OF FREAKIN A!
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Sun Apr 18, 2010 2:23 pm | |
| I guess it's cause of stealth and all. | |
| | | Taichou
Posts : 14 Points : 0 Join date : 2010-03-30
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Sun Apr 18, 2010 2:28 pm | |
| 2nd division is the best of undercover activities and assasination. They are also the best with shunpo, hand-to-hand combat rather than swordsmanship. | |
| | | Gabriel M.
Posts : 68 Points : 57 Join date : 2010-04-07 Age : 36
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Sun Apr 18, 2010 3:39 pm | |
| i'll say it then, well in this RP all the shinigamis are turned into viz by the hands of the great and might VIZARD MAKER.
So you could say that someone inside the kido corps asked if you wouldn't like to use a special new method to train yourself or yourself and your squad or something like that, and that turned you into a vizard. Anyway u can't turn into a vizard by yourself, sorry dude. | |
| | | Naraga Zenos
Posts : 89 Points : 43 Join date : 2010-04-14 Age : 36 Location : look behind you... jk, THE U.S. OF FREAKIN A!
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Sun Apr 18, 2010 3:51 pm | |
| yeah I learned the hard way right gabrial | |
| | | Taichou
Posts : 14 Points : 0 Join date : 2010-03-30
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Sun Apr 18, 2010 4:10 pm | |
| I didn't do it myself. "Someone striked from behind." He was the "Vizard Maker" xD i could've put into the details but I just didn't want to use another three paragraph which is already-long-bio wasting time for you just to read the additional three paragraphs. | |
| | | Madame Rose
Posts : 458 Points : 59 Join date : 2010-02-23
| Subject: Re: Keiichirou Miyanoshita [Vizard] Mon Apr 19, 2010 11:17 am | |
| Vizards aren't my area of expertise, so I'll leave that part to the others. But, I honestly only just read your reply. You insult my way of doing things, and then say that your grammar is better than mine? For that alone, I should strike you dead. Since Zaff-Zaff would get pissy, though, I'll just lock this thread down. Not in the mood to see more talking on this, take it to private messages. | |
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